Feelin' Way Too Damn Good
by DarkandDaisuke
Summary: Several years after Hogwarts, Harry finds himself alone during an Auror mission. Longing for his lover, he begs him to come and see him. Will he come? What's happened to the Boy Who Lived since the war? And what will happen to his mission? Snarry!
1. I missed you so much That I begged you

I know it has been awhile and I haven't finished my last story. Though I am working on it, this story hit me like a freight train and I was working through it faster than I have any other story. I'm posting this chapter to see if people would be interested in it. It is a multi-chapter story. Each chapter is based off a line or two from Nickleback's song which gave this story it's name. This is an older Harry, who has seen and done much and can meet the people around him as an equal. There are some key differences with The Deathly Hallows which will become obvious fairly soon. Please, please let me know what you think of this. I haven't written on this site in a long time and I'd like your input. Also, as of this moment, I do not have a Beta Reader. I've read over this multiple times, but I might have missed something.

And thank you to all who will read this. I do hope you enjoy!

Re-post 5/27/11: Reposted this chapter as I now have a beta reader for this story. Thank you, SilverSmile! You've been very helpful in making the story be the best it can be!

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><p>Chapter 1: I missed you so much That I begged you to fly and see me<p>

Harry winced as he stripped out of his t-shirt. Perhaps his lover was right, button up shirts might be the way to go after all. In his defense, he didn't get knife wounds on his back…at least not that often. Damn, how was he going to treat that? It wasn't like he could call somebody, he knew no one in Berlin and he certainly couldn't walk into a hospital with something like this and not expect people to question him.

Tossing the ruined shirt aside, he smacked his head when he felt his wound begin to sluggishly bleed again. Great, of course he'd made it worse. He could try to make contact with his back up, but somehow this didn't seem quite like the "life or death situation" that his boss, Kingsley, had stressed should be the only reason to get in touch with his Auror contact. After all, no undercover cop would willingly give up his cover, not even for a rather painful and slightly frightening stab wound.

It was times like this that he wished his lover could have come with him. Of course, not only would his bosses think him nuts to even think of something like that, but no one even knew he was currently in a relationship. The longest one of his life, in fact. For three years they had kept it secret from the world, and Harry was in no hurry to change that. Having exchanged the title of the boy-who-lived for the-man-who-vanquished-the-Dark-Lord (VOLDEMORT YOU STUPID PEOPLE!), his fame had not diminished but rather frighteningly increased. To stalkerish and fear of large crowds proportions, which had caused him a great deal of trouble when pursuing a relationship.

So he and his current lover had decided that three people could keep a secret only if two were dead, but two very private people might just be able to pull it off. And so far, they had. Even with restriction placed on them by both of their jobs, they were still going strong-something which still mystified and terrified the accomplished Auror. Though Harry's long-term infiltration missions had brought up a couple of issues and not a few fights. Well, this was the last one. After the successful completion of this mission, Kingsley had promised that Harry would be stationed at home from now on. When asked for his reasons for the request (after all, he was their best under cover worker, something, Harry mused, that must have come from all those years of wishing to be someone else and creeping around the castle), he had merely replied that while he loved his job, he was now nearly thirty-eight years old and irrevocably single. This would not change until he could be assured that he wasn't going to have to disappear with no word for six months to a year. While this was partly true, the real reason was that Harry was hoping that his current relationship might come to something more and there was no way he could move beyond their serious-casual relationship until his job stopped sending him places his lover couldn't travel to with him.

Damn, but he missed him. Harry could practically hear his comments as he wandered near naked around his hotel room, trying to figure out what to do and his mind utterly incapable of doing so. He missed his lover so much in fact that he had broken not only his own personal rules, but the Aurors and his lover's rules as well, and had sent him a secret letter by means they had previously come up with, begging him to fly, floo, or portkey into Germany to see him. His latest assignment, infiltrating an infantile neo Death Eater group in Europe, had taken four months and was looking to be at least that again. He had to be damn sure this performance was letter perfect, because the suspected leader of the group was none other than Voldemort's former right hand man, Lucius Malfoy. Luckily, Harry had become extraordinarily good at glamours and could hold one not only in his sleep but through torture and, so the speculation went, even after death, though he had no desire to test that. Well; he'd put it off long enough; time to try to tend his wounds. Perhaps tonight he might dream of his lover, rather than the horrors he saw as he wormed his way into Malfoy's grasp.

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><p>So, what do you think...<p>

E

5/27/11: Would really like your thoughts on this story, people. I haven't written in awhile and could really do with some feedback!


	2. You Must Have Broke Down, Cuz You

So, here's the next bit of the story! Sorry it's taken a bit long, but I wanted to have a beta reader for this story (it's so much harder catching your own mistakes) and it took a bit of time. But now, a lovely person has agreed to help me clean up my atrocious grammar -bless you, SilverSmile!

The truth comes out in this one. I also want to remind readers that events from the sixth and seventh book have **NOT **taken place. So some people who otherwise join the choir invisible are going to crop up. Some you might expect to see, either aren't there or don't show up for reasons that are explained later. If it starts to be a problem, let me know and I can make a list of changes. Personally, I prefer to pretend the sixth and seventh books didn't happen.

Reminder: I am not a member of Nickleback nor am I Rowlings in disguise. Therefore, I do not own the song this story is based around nor do I own these characters. If I did, Harry would **never** have dated Ginny, Remus wouldn't have died, Severus would certainly have not been killed as a means to an end (damn it the man deserved **something!**), and the epilogue would never have become an "happily ever after".

E

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><p>Chapter 2: You must've broke down Coz you finally said that you would<p>

Severus Snape was on his third attempt at making a simple healing potion and was thoroughly disgusted with himself. He'd thought he could brew something like this in his sleep, but apparently he couldn't when his mind was occupied with fear for his lover's life. For a moment, his mind brought up an image of him…but an ominous bubbling caused him to scurry away from the cauldron and cast a hasty shielding charm. Damn, there went the fifth cauldron this week.

Sighing, he vanished all the tarnished materials and sat down heavily at his desk. He had been doing remarkably well. For four months, with no word from his lover, he had worried, but knew better than anyone that his lover could take care of himself. After all, he had been rigorously trained to do so. And though his bed had been unbearably cold and his life as empty as when Voldemort had been alive, he had been doing adequately, knowing that soon his lover would return and this type of long-term loss wouldn't be occuring again.

Yes, he had being doing quite well…until Albus, in his infinite wisdom, had spontaneously decided that the 'Old Crowd' had not seen each other for a long time and had hosted a *shudder* 'get together'. Although, Severus had to admit, since Mad-Eye Moody's death during the final battle, he had been able to get along with the others surprisingly well. It also helped that he had completely, and near Gryffindorishly, turned on his former master in front of everyone. Their wonder boy owned his life to his potions master; the spy cursing the bugger's wand from his hand by cursing the hand itself into oblivion and allowing the boy to kill the bastard without the loss of his own life. Both had warranted long term convalescents after the final battle, but both had lived to see the end and hadn't _that_ been a miracle.

Then Kingsley had wandered over to speak to him at the 'get together' and his, dare he say, contentedness with life had died a painful death.

"Severus, how have you been? Haven't seen much of you lately. Classes still the same? The candidates you send us, I swear, they get better every year."

"Kingsley, I have been well enough. Infinitely better then when we last truly saw each other. The Wizarding world still sees fit to send me dunderheads, but I manage to polish a few for your Aurors. And you, you are looking worn; surely with the rising number of Aurors and most of the death eaters dead or stuck in Azkaban, your job would be easier?" The dark skinned man chuckled, though with more weariness and little humor.

"One would think, and the ministry is trying to give that impression. But, there are still enough crazies that think they can take Voldemort's spot to give me plenty of headaches. One in particular is giving me a lot of trouble, though I have hope that we might clear it up soon. Set my best on that one." Here he leaned in and lowered his voice. Some things were not for all ears, even former Order ones. "Malfoy's been stirring again." No need to say which one. Both Narcissa and Draco had lost their lives in the final battle; they had been a favorite target as they had vehemently opposed Voldemort months before, leaving them clear targets for Death Eaters. Both had died by their own loved one's wand. "A new sect of neo-Death Eaters has cropped up in Berlin within the last year and a half. The German ministry wasn't too keen to accept outside help but eventually they had to admit they were out of their league. I'd had a team on standby since we'd become aware of their movements and when the call came, I sent the best I had. You'll be pleased to know that Harry's doing your training proud."

'What?'

"He really is the best we have. He's infiltrated the group and hopes to rise in the ranks until Malfoy trusts him. We hope to shut them down completely within the year. After this, he'll have more than earned the desk job he's requested. You know, I now see what he meant. Everyone in the Order has got on with their lives and most are married now. That much death tends to make you appreciate life that much more. He hasn't had a relationship since that disastrous one six years ago." The man's face took on a look of pain; the potion master's face was as blank as a new piece of parchment. "You know, I really thought we'd lost him after Davon. Thank Merlin we didn't. Don't know where the department would be without him. Oh! Albus wants me for something. So long, Severus, it's good to see you again."

With that, the head of the aurors walked off, unaware that he had completely shaken the other man. Severus still had no idea what happened after that or how he got back to his rooms. His mind just could not take it in. Harry, a spy? How could he? He knew the dangers, he and Severus had discussed them enough. And after Davon…how could the ministry have asked that of him? With a growl, the contents of his desktop flew across the room. Damn it! He couldn't contact him; he would never be the one to cause Harry to be discovered, but he had to know he was alright.

A questioning hoot brought his attention back to the here and now. A rather curious looking owl was gracing his presences. It was a rather plain looking brown but it looked like…

With a cry, he quickly cast the counter to the charm he had taught Harry back during his school days. The brown coloring seemed to drip off the owl, who shook herself as if to get off every last drop. There before the professor was a familiar snowy owl.

"Hedwig." A near humorous hoot answered him and she delicately lifted her leg, a letter tied securely there. Gently, yet as quickly as he dared, he untied the sealed scroll, sinking down to the floor in his preoccupation with the letter. The snowy owl gazed at him knowingly before fluttering down on his knee, and began preening her feathers. Thoughtlessly, he began running his fingers down the back of her head, helping her with a particularly hard to reach area. His other hand had already snapped the wax in two and was unrolling the long hoped for document. Of course, the scrawl was instantly recognizable and better than any code - few would want to ruin their eyesight to read this scrawl.

Hey, I know I said incommunicado for at least eight months…but, damn it, I miss you! I know it's against regulations, our rules, and common sense but I have to see you. I could say I need someone who understands the kind of pressure I'm under. I could say that I want to pick the brain of someone who was in school with my target. I could say I'm dying for _SEX_! But those are auxiliary (see I do know big words). I just…miss you. I feel that if I don't see you soon I might forget…I know you should and will say no. It's fucking dangerous and incredibly stupid…but, I had to give it a shot. Hope you haven't murdered any students yet! This should be over…one way or another by the end of the year. Maybe seeing you will be my Christmas present.

H

P.S. Berlin, Hotel _ Room 309. Dameon Weitz. _One can always hope._

Long fingers, permanently stained by the materials he used, clutched the short message that was sloppy, entirely inadequate, and irrepressibly Harry. Even a dark lord could not completely train optimism out of the boy. It went against everything in the man. How could the idiot think about potentially blowing his cover like that? How could he go against all his training? It was selfish, idiotic, and could damn well kill them both or worse, blow up in their faces.

Dark eyes met serene amber as two words escaped his lips.

"I will."

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><p>The plot thickens...and now you know the others identity.<p>

I would like to point out that for most of the story, the chapters will switch back and forth like this between Harry and his lover's POV. The exception, which I will note, will be during the series of lines from the chorus. These, at different points, will focus on one of the two characters specifically.

Thank you all for reading! Please! Let me know what you think!

E


	3. But Now That You're Here, I Just Feel

Hey! Hope everyone is enjoying this story! This is a short chapter from Harry's pov, you'll soon see why. Once again, I want to thank my beta SilverSmile! Thank you so much for all your hard work!

Thank you too toogledog for reviewing both of my chapters! Your comments have been absolutely lovely and have been a bright spot in a crazy time!

FYI: This is a FAN fiction. So, I do not own the song or the Harry Potter universe.

E

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><p>Chapter 3: But now that you're here I just feel like I'm constantly dreaming<p>

Harry sighed as he gazed down at the now ruined towel. The blood simply would not stop running down his back and he was at a loss as to what to do about it. He simply couldn't reach the wound and any attempts to do so were merely pulling at the edges and making it worse. Plus, he was now feeling distinctly lightheaded and really wished he had another blood replenisher potion with him. Unfortunately, he had forgotten to ask Severus to brew him a new batch. They had been a bit…busy, and he'd been more focused on the fact that they wouldn't see each other for way too many months to count. They would kill him, but he was seriously thinking about contacting one of his backups. He couldn't care for this himself and he **really** couldn't go anywhere as that might alert certain people who would be very interested in why he was injured.

Angrily berating himself, he balled his right hand into a fist. To top it off, Hedwig still hadn't returned and he had no clue what that meant. He couldn't help but wonder if the attack tonight had been planned rather than the unlucky chance meeting he had assumed. If so, at the next meeting, he was screwed. Standing, he swayed alarmingly before gaining his center of gravity with great cost to his remaining energy. Just making his way over to the dresser was more then he could stand and he felt his knees buckle. Before he could hit the ground, however, strong arms caught and held him tight. Glazed green eyes found worried black ones and green smiled.

"Must be dreaming, Sev."

Then darkness was all he knew.

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><p>Sorry this is short, the next one is longer. Promise.<p>

Please, send me a little note on what you think of the story!


	4. Coz Something's Gotta Go Wrong, Coz I'm

Here's the next chapter, so of course it's Severus' turn to tell the story. Hope you all enjoy!

E

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><p>Chapter 4: Coz something's gotta go wrong Coz I'm feelin' way too damn good<p>

Severus stepped off the train at the Berlin station and looked around. It had been sometime since the he had last been on German soil - before the second war, at a Potions convention. He only hoped that his translation spell was strong enough, it had been awhile since he had last needed it. All too soon, he found himself in the hub of the station, watching as humanity ran like rats around him. Steadily, he made his way through the maze to his goal. The people manning the information desk looked anything but helpful, and as he waited to be noticed, he found his observation was accurate. It took close to twenty minutes before they even noticed him and then they persisted in ignoring him. Finally, he turned to the person beside him and began to discuss with him in a rather loud voice the poor treatment he had received both on the train and in the station. The older man, who winked conspiratorially at him, agreed. Perhaps it helped that both were talking in flawless German. For whatever reason, one of the women quickly came up and began to fawningly aid them. The Potions Master graciously allowed the older man to be helped first and with a last knowing look he was soon sent on his way and it was Severus' turn.

"And how may I…"

"Just give me directions to the _ hotel and I'll be out of your way."

"Easier to just hail a taxi."

"Is it that far?"

"Nein. It is but a couple of blocks. But wouldn't you…"

"Nein. I would not." The glare he leveled was nothing like the one his students were subjected to, but that had nothing to do with her possible tolerance but rather the light blue eyes set in a pleasing face that was glamoured onto him. For Harry's sake, Lucius Malfoy could never see the traitor spy; his lover was in enough danger without Snape leading the Death Eater straight to him.

The glare still worked, however, and soon he was making his way towards an impressive building that noticeably housed an expensive and imposing hotel; obviously Harry's cover was buying his way into the fold. Damn, the one thing he had hoped the walk would help with, taking his mind off the dangers his lover was all but immersed in. Severus' coming would do neither of them the good they hoped for if he was too focused on his concern for his younger partner. The boy still had a job to finish, so this was a mere interlude until the dangerous business could be concluded. So for the next seventy-two hours, Hogwarts, Aurors, danger, and spying would be swept away. The time would be for the two of them; it was all Severus could give Harry and all Harry could afford to give Severus.

In the back of his mind, the former spy questioned whether this would even be possible. For the first time in several months, he was…excited and, dare he say, perhaps not happy but content. For him, he was feeling 'pretty damn good', to quote his younger lover. So something had to go wrong. Things never went right around the Boy-Who-Lived.

All too soon, he found himself at the brat's door. He was pleased to note that the boy had chosen a strategic placement for his room, obviously some of his lessons had stuck into that empty head. There was no one in the hallway, so there was no reason he would not be able to unlock the door. No, it was the wards that had better be plastered everywhere that might give him some trouble. The brat was scarily good at weaving near perfect wards. Severus had never been able to completely dismantle any that Harry had put up unless he had been previously keyed into them. Now, he could only hope that his lover had been optimistic enough to key him in, otherwise his surprise would be ruined. Carefully feeling his way around the wards, he was pleased to find that Harry had keyed him in from the beginning. Back door insurance - clever. The unlocking spell was a new one; he had never taught Harry that one. He hadn't known that Kingsley even knew about it. Twisting the handle, he had soon stepped into the room, gaze taking in everything in a glance.

The next second, he was flying across the room just in time to catch the thin body as the stupid boy collapsed, obviously from loss of blood. For one moment, glazed green eyes were looking up at him. It was clear the Auror was not completely cognizant.

"Must be dreaming, Sev." With that, the body went limp. Quickly, Severus had deposited the frighteningly still boy on the bed and was immediately at work on the horrific wound. He was thankful that even now he was never without his potions as his lover was in great need of blood replenishers, among other things.

How like Severus' life; just when he was finally willing to believe in happiness, something always went wrong.

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><p>Thanks for reading; please let me know what you think!<p> 


	5. For 48 hours I don't think that We Left

Well, here is a longer chapter from Harry's POV. This should clear up some questions people might have of how and why things are a _**bit**_ different from the canon. There is a good bit of background here, which I think is pretty self-explanatory. I hope everyone is enjoying this story so far. I'd really love to here from some of you out there! Once again, loud praise goes to SilverSmile for doing such a great job of hammering this story into a better, cleaner version!

Big thanks goes too towards toggledog who has left me some wonderful thoughts! Thanks ever so much!

E

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><p>Chapter 5: For 48 hours I don't think that we left my hotel room<p>

The Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort stretched and rolled over in the remarkably comfortable hotel bed. He was careful to do so, as he didn't wish to wake his lover. Severus deserved several days of uninterrupted rest after the past 48 hours. The first twenty-four hours were spent in 'repairing Harry's idiocy', as his lover put it. It had taken hours to repair the damage to his muscles, mostly because he had lost so much blood that even the blood replenishers that his lover had poured down his throat had been hard pressed to keep him from bleeding out. The knife had even chipped his shoulder blade, the damage had been massive and Harry shouldn't have even tried to heal it on his own. So his lover cursed at him at least 12 dozen times as he spelled and potioned the younger man into some semblance of health.

The green-eyed man had hung his head and allowed the other to snap, snark, and work his magic. Harry still felt horrible; Severus had made the long trip to visit him, and had arrived to find his lover close to death's door. What a truly wretched way to repay him.

Though he hoped that the twenty-four hour period after that had taken some strides in repaying the man and mellowing his temper. The smirk decorating the man's face now as he beheld his shagged-out lover spelled wonderful trouble for the Potions Master. But for now, the Auror was content to watch him sleep, reveling in the older man's calming presence in his life. After their years of hostility, it still made him marvel that his 'evil' Potion's Professor was the one that, as Hermione put it in their seventh year, 'caused his heart to sing'. He still wasn't convinced that it captured everything that the two of them had found.

In the years since the 'final battle' – ignoring the mop up action that had taken nearly a year and more lives than Harry cared to remember – he had watched as friends, one by one, connected with people. Often with each other, though there were several new faces at Christmas and Weasley dinners. All except Harry Potter.

It wasn't for lack of trying. First had been Ginny, that had lasted a year and a half – a year longer then it should have. The two of them had spent her seventh year studying – her class work and him Auror texts – and dating on Hogsmeade weekends. She had been bright, cheerful, and so very immature. Perhaps it was the difference between their two upbringings, maybe it was the result of being entrusted with the fate of the Wizarding World at age 11, possibly she was merely acting like the youngest child she was, but for whatever reason, a student and a murderer-Auror candidate-DADA master were definitely not a good combination.

And the press had not helped. Merlin, the press had done their best to ruin his life in a way that Voldemort never could. Students leaked information to the press on a daily basis, even after Albus had taken 600 total points from the entire school. The two of them had been dogged if they dared to set foot outside of the school. Ginny had lapped it all up; perhaps that is was what had ultimately ended their relationship. Harry had never liked the fame that had come from the death of his parents and his completely accidental destruction of the Dark Lord. It had exponentially increased after the final battle and he quickly learned to hate the entire business.

How many people had fought in that hell on earth? How many people had made the ultimate sacrifice? How many families had lost a son, a daughter, a parent, or all three? How many heroes had walked off that battlefield? That his magic, his wand, his words had killed the demon meant nothing. Without Draco and Narcissa's sacrifices, there would never even had been a battle – they would have been taken completely unaware. Without Albus's magic, Hogwarts would have fallen. Ron's strategies had worked, though his leadership of the students on broomsticks had brought about his lifelong paralysis. Neville's death, Remus's incurable nerve damage that caused him to shake like a Parkinson's sufferer, Justin Flinch-Fletchley's rallying of the Hufflepuffs; so many heroes and none of them given a tenth of their due.

And Severus, a true hero in a way Harry would never measure up to. For years he had immersed himself in a role that had ate away at his sanity and his soul. He had done this in an attempt towards redemption as well as providing a service that might be the turning point in the war. That his actions brought the light side victory were without question (a good thing, considering the Ministery's near witch hunt against the man after the battle), but it was also undeniable that spying had all but killed the man. The injuries he had accrued during the fight had only added to his already failing mental and physical health and they had all but despaired for him during most of his convalescence.

To what did Harry's sacrifice compare? And yet, it was he that got the credit and he that warranted the front page. Even after he was a murderer and a caster of Unforgiveables. So why would anyone want to know the state of his love life?

Ginny and he had blown up spectacularly one Saturday afternoon in Hogsmeade and the next day there was a tell-all interview with her. Oh, she had used their relationship far longer than it had actually lasted, to the everlasting shame and anger of her family. Last he had heard, she had divorced Viktor Krum and had moved on to younger and more famous players. It had taken him some time to realize that he was not to blame for her hunger for the press' attention, but he now ignored her entirely, much to her vexation.

She was by no means the last female he dated before he grasped the fact that he simply did not feel romantically towards them. It took him an embarrassingly long time, but like so many things in his life, he could blame the Dursleys for it. They had hated anything not considered 'normal' by themselves and were always vitriolic about their hatred. His uncle's rants about 'nancy boys' and 'fags' had soaked into his subconscious, and though he supported his homosexual friends, he simply could not support himself. It had caused him a great deal of anger to discover that his guardians were still dictating his actions. If not for Severus – then a friend who leant a frighteningly understanding ear to his long withheld rants – he might have never figured himself out at all.

His thoughts were broken by his bedmate's wakening movements. His green eyes, alight currently with the happiness only this man could bring him, watched as the dark head turned and the black eyes took in his alert gaze.

"Harry." Even a man with a near infinite vocabulary found times where there were simply no words that would do.

"Severus." The Auror also knew that sometimes only actions could convey what one was feeling.

Neither of them would misunderstand each other this time.

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><p>Hope this starts to answer some questions! Please let me know what you think!<p> 


	6. Should Show You the Sights Cuz I'm Sure

Aaaaand here's another from our 'friendly' neighborhood Potions Master! Is it strange that I love writing Severus more than Harry? I love to think of the words he would use in the situation as well as picture the look on his face as these thoughts run through his mind! I also tend to agree completely with him on his thoughts concerning one Headmaster...the man is mad! There is method...but one cannot discount the fact that he is quite mad. Hope you enjoy!

Thanks again to SilverSmile for her great work!

E

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><p>Chapter 6: Should show you the sights, Coz I'm sure that I said that I would<p>

Slightly ashamed, Severus simply could not say what had led them to engage in their latest escapade. It was not as if they lacked recent experiences, he doubted either of them had even left the bed in the past twenty-four hours. He lay beside his lover for a time, regaining his breath and privately revealing in the feelings of contentment and rightness that had only ever accompanied time spent with his one time student. Why was it that a man who was young enough to be his son was the one his heart had chosen? Why was it Potter's brat that understood him better than even Albus ever had? Harry Potter, the-Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort, was his lover of three years and the Potions Master could not help the small grain of hope that had been growing in his breast that the man cared for him close to the amount he cared for him.

Groaning, as some of the muscles he had used had not seen such… constant action in many a month, he made his way to the bathroom and quickly went through his morning ablutions. Making his way back into the room, he found the boy (why he insisted on calling Harry that in his mind even he could not completely say) setting down the telephone.

"Room service. It should be up soon. I'll…uh…I'll just be a minute then." A smirk could not help but make its way onto the older man's face as he watched as the younger man awkwardly made his way towards the bathroom. Even after the two decades since he had last been in school, not to mention the fact that he was the destroyer of Voldemort and a most decorated Auror, Harry still experienced times of embarrassment and insecurity around him. It used to cause him a twinge of guilt every time he saw it, saw how much playing his role and his inability to get over childhood pain had hurt the already wounded young man. The Professor had not wanted to speak to anyone about his feelings, certainly not to his lover, whom they concerned. Unfortunately, what he had wanted had never stopped Albus from doing what he damn well pleased.

Albus had come up to him after one illuminating conversation with the hero of the wizarding world at one of those compulsory Order 'get-togethers' the Headmaster perversely enjoyed and hosted often. Somehow, he must have read Severus' feelings on his nearly blank face, for he came and stood beside him.

Calmly, he had said; "It has been many years since Harry was a mere student. I don't think I've missed a group of students more than the ones in his year. Hogwarts has never again felt so alive. He's grown up a great deal; very powerful and yet a very good man. I like to think that we all had something to do with it, but I believe that is simply who Harry is. You know, Severus, Harry has always sought your good opinion. Even after all these years and all the praise he has received, he will not feel as if he has really become something until he has reached that in your eyes. You and I both know that, one; it should not matter and two: that you have long been proud of what he has done. But Harry feels this way despite rationality and does not know what I know, and so he will continue to seek his ex-Potions Master out, trying to prove to him (and so himself) that he is no longer the boy we knew but a man and our equal."

Though at the time, he had sneered his disbelief, though as time had gone on and he had grown to know and love the younger man, he had been forced to agree with Albus. It pained him to realize that his role had solidified the lack of self-esteem Harry had suffered because of his relatives 'care'. It also humbled him, that even after all he had been through and all he done, Harry (not even to mention The-Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort) esteemed his judgment, esteemed him as a man and compatriot enough to desire his good opinion (that he found the hesitancy enduring in the powerful man entered his thoughts not at all – truly).

And so, he merely smiled slightly and turned away to finish donning his many layers. Perhaps, if they were very lucky, they might actually take in a few of the sights, as he had promised Harry some time the day before yesterday he would. Every other time they had tried, they hadn't made it past the bed.

Not that Severus was complaining.

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><p>Please let me know what you thought! Virtual cookies to reviewers!<p> 


	7. We Gotta Make Love Just One Last Time

Sorry for such a short chapter...but I think it says what it needs to! *mischevious smile* The next one should be right up, however, and it is much longer.

I want to thank everyone who has either favorited or put an alert on this story! I'm glad you like it so far! Please drop me a line and let me know what you think, though- I love to hear from people who love Harry Potter as much as I do!

Thanks again to SilverSmile for her wonderful work!

Please Enjoy!

E

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><p>Chapter 7: We gotta make love just one last time in the shower<p>

Well, they had made it out doors, Severus in his glamour from the train station and Harry in one different from his role in his investigation. Neither of them had mentioned the reason for Harry's presence in the foreign city. The Auror didn't know that Severus knew what or rather who he was after, and the Potion Master wasn't sure how to bring it up. He, better than anyone, knew what Lucius Malfoy was capable of, and a large part of him wanted nothing more than to stun his lover and run back to the safety of Hogwarts with him. However, the other part of him knew what the freedom of the former Death Eater meant to the Wizarding world and if anyone could bring the man to justice, it was the man walking enthusiastically beside him. In sheer power, Harry outranked Malfoy easily, but if it came down to battle, power was not everything. The young man was also well trained, but it had been a long time since Aurors had faced fully trained Death Eaters and logic could not break through the worry that had haunted the older man since Kingsley had first divulged the secret.

The afternoon went by quickly, as they all but raced from one point to the next. Neither said a word, but both surreptitiously chivvied the other through parks, meals, sights, and crowds in the shared hope of returning to their bed. Severus could not believe how he was acting; it was as if he were a teenager again. It was while they took turns hurrying each other through a gallery that the image long plaguing him became clear to him. It took more control of his emotions then even he thought he had not to throw his lover in a cab and race back to the hotel. The art around him compared not a jot to the picture in his mind's eye of his lover shuddering to completion in the rather adequate shower in his hotel room. Oh, yes; they were most definitely going to have to repeat that wonderful experience.

A quick, mischievous flash of glamour covered green eyes told him that his lover agreed with him. Well, perhaps the sights of Berlin were rather overrated.


	8. Well Something's Gotta Go Wrong, Coz I'm

Well, the fun times are over people! Time to get down to some angst! (You didn't think one could do a Snarry story without angst, did ya?) Just like this chapters title, things are begining to go wrong. From here on, hold on cuz a lot of stuff is going to get thrown at you. Flashbacks (to explain my version of their history), different POVs, and a whole lotta bad. So, sit back and enjoy!

Thanks goes once again to SilverSmile! You're my hero!

E

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><p>Chapter 8: Well something's gotta go wrong, Coz I'm feelin' way too damn good<p>

They had barely made it up to the room before they were striping the other of their annoying coverings and now, were lying on the bed, cuddling (not that he would even breath a mention of that word to his lover, Snape didn't 'cuddle'). Sadly, it couldn't last much longer. In less than twenty-four hours, Severus needed to be back at Hogwarts and Harry was finally due to meet the leader of the neo Death Eater group that night. It would take a great deal more time to worm his way into the head's confidence, but he was sure it would take no more than two to four more months before he could return home for good. Before he could return to Severus for good.

Harry carefully arranged himself in his lover's sleep-slackened embrace until he could see the peaceful visage. Severus never looked peaceful when awake. Even after years of peace and contentment, the devastation wrought by one poor choice and years of seeking redemption had never really faded from the careworn face. Smiles came more readily and he at times bore flashes of contentment, even happiness and ever faintly, hope; but he could never forget, maybe never even forgive himself what years of spying had forced him to do. Many lives had been saved, but sacrifices had also been made.

Perhaps that was how it should be, but Harry selfishly couldn't help but wish that he could take away that guilt for his lover. Severus had suffered enough, and he deserved peace. His hope was that with the time he would soon be granted, they could begin to build a permanent life for the two of them, out in the open and finally have the 'normal' life that both of them were entitled to. In time, maybe Severus could forgive himself and Harry, well if he could stop trying to live up to others expectation, he would then maybe believe that he had grown up.

He had defeated Voldemort primarily because everyone expected him to. How many times had he wished he could tell the whole of the Wizarding World to go to hell? And yet every time he stood and allowed himself to take the pain and horror dished out by that monster and how was he repaid? By the critics and scorn of the populace. He was never fast enough, good enough, what they wanted. What they wanted was a bloody damn hero and no human could ever be that. But he had done his best and had defeated the monster. And they had cheered and lauded him and ignored everyone else; and proceeded to treat him as their own plaything. Who had the hero dated last? What was he going to do with his life? Who had he talked to at the latest banquet of note? Were his injuries still paining him?

He had joined the Aurors because everyone told him he should. Albus had paved his way, Kingsley had all but bullied him into it, Ron had guilted him with the fact that because of his injuries he could no longer be one, Remus had told him he would regret it if he didn't, and the entire Weasley clan had simply assumed it would be a sure thing. And the general public, they had demanded it. Harry Potter was good for only one thing, to protect them from the bad of their society's creating. Pureblood extremist doing what they were taught to do, Werewolves and Vampires trying to survive when their world did everything to destroy them, Muggle-born who were tired of being treated as little better then third-class citizens – only The-Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort could protect them, as was his sworn duty.

He had dated who they thought he should date, he said what they thought he should say, he played the games the Ministry and the Media asked him to. He gave and gave and gave and he was sick of it. No more. Never again. NO!

The only person who had never wanted him to dance to the fiddle of fame was the man beside him. He had warned him in his own way what would happen and it had. Six years ago, when it had all become too much and they had played their last trick on their 'beloved' savior, Severus had been there to help pick up the pieces and had helped him want to live again and then, three years ago, to love again.

So, after this last 'debt' to two people long dead to bring down their killer, he would leave the Aurors forever. He would live with Severus, maybe take the DADA post and live the rest of his life doing what HE wanted to do.

For the first time in his life, he was happy and if they didn't like it: screw them. He'd given too much of himself already.

It had of course all been too good to last. Night had fallen and in the morning he would lose his lover again for another long, horrible period of time. The finite quality of the time did not make it any easier to bear. They had not done anything sexual but merely revealed in the others company, talking of nothing consequential or important. A peck on the window, however, ended the lovely interlude rather quickly.

Harry all but leapt from the bed as if he were a scalded cat. He had been expecting this notice but not now, not until after Severus had left. Surely it wouldn't be happening tonight! Opening the window carefully, he passed his wand over the owl and it's letter several times before finally accept the letter and watched as the bird took flight at once. So, no reply necessary. Wonderful.

He turned back to the silent room after carefully latching the window back. He avoided looking towards his lover, instead sitting at his desk and, after putting up his glamour, he sent the bolt of magic needed to break the magical wax seal on the parchment. Harry could have disguised his magic without doing the same to his features, but he had felt the need to detach himself from the man standing silently but ever watchful behind him. He simply could not face this as Severus' Harry.

Unrolling the elaborate message, he knew before he read it what it said. He had been successful, and never before had it tasted so bitter.

Mr. Weitz,

Congratulations. At last we are able to communicate man to man. I trust you understand the necessity of the many hurdles that were regrettably placed in your path. One can never be too careful these days. However, after reviewing your latest completed tasks, I am quite assured of your commitment and wish to extend to you the hand of brotherhood at once, tonight in fact. We are all eager to meet you at last and to welcome you into our ranks. You may meet your contact at the usual spot and time. I trust I need not remind you to burn this document, as neither of us wish to leave evidence of our correspondence. We await your arrival with pleasure.

LM

The Lord of Night

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><p>Duh duh duh duh duuuuuuh! How like Lucius to call himself "the Lord of the Night". What a pretencious bast...,you know what I mean. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! PLEASE! Let me know what you think!<p> 


	9. And it's like, every time I turn around

This chapter is the beginning of a flashback that starts to explain how Harry and Severus have reached the point of our story. I hope you enjoy this peek into the history of my version of the Harry Potter Universe. The Auror you don't recognize is my creation; the rest of course is merely borrowed and shall be returned…mostly in their original state. ;P

I want to thank all you wonderful people who have either favorited this story or put it on your story alerts! You know who you are; and I hope you all enjoy this new chapter!

I also want to thank JaneAlpha and xxnarufanxx for their reviews! Hope you enjoy the new chapter!

And as always, major thanks goes to SilverSmile for all her hard work. It would not be nearly as good without her help!

E

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><p>Chapter 9: And it's like, every time I turn around, I fall in love and find my heart face down<p>

_Harry sat at his cluttered desk and attempted to catch up on the overload that had awaited him after his latest deep cover operation. For a man who was facing several days of solid paperwork, he didn't seem terribly affected by the piles that towered over his head. On the contrary, since he had first flooed into work, (still being flung out as clumsily as he had been when a boy) he'd been seen whistling and humming songs under his breath and had even wished ex-Minister Fudge good morning! None of his co-workers had ever seen the man like this, but they were not concerned by his abnormal behavior, rather they were excited to see their comrade in arms…happy for the first time in their remembrance. Not that the Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort was melancholy or anything_,_ but he had never shown this amount of cheerful emotions since the death of his advisory. Everyone within the ministry (not to mention the Wizarding World in general) knew that Harry Potter had been less then successful in love. They had all watched the highs and – more common – lows of the boy's dating relationships and many had secretly despaired of him ever finding anyone. _

_ Rumor in the Auror department though, said that the Savior had been seen stepping out with the transfer from the Ireland branch, Davon __O'Doherty__. The suggested length of their relationship ranged from four months to a year, though no one knew for certain. No one planned on asking either, as they all knew the decorated Auror abhorred publicity and tried to keep his partners out of the lime light as much as possible. No relationship could hope to withstand the scrutiny one with the Destroyer of Voldemort was forced to endure. _

_ Finishing up his latest pile_ of papers_, Harry sat back and stabbed his quill into its holder. While there was still tons of work to do, he was calling it quits for tonight. Truthfully, he hadn't gotten a lot of work done, because for the first time he could remember, he was _**really** _looking forward to a date. Davon and he were going to have a romantic dinner in their flat and he had been told to be ready to answer an important question. Only his two best friends, Hermione and Ron, knew about his latest boyfriend and both have given him their friend's seal of approval. When told about Davon's statement, 'Mione had squealed and hugged her friend, asking him if he was ready to say yes. At the time, he had not been sure, but after a week of thinking it over, Harry felt that he was ready to commit. There were many long and lonely years following him and he desperately wanted to finally share his life with someone. Someone who understood him, who saw him as Harry and not The-Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort. _

_ Davon seemed to be that man. He didn't care for the media any more than Harry himself and had often suggested out of the way places where they could still 'go out' but were not hounded by the press. Often, he was content with a night in where they would talk and enjoy each other's company. He was also his longest lasting relationship since Ginny, eight months and going strong. They had shared a bed for the last two and Harry could not think of a time he had been more content. Davon had been very good for him and he liked to think the reverse was also true. Yes, he was ready if the man asked him. He had long yearned for a family._

_ He quickly left the Ministry building and walked to their shared flat, excitement bubbling inside him. He greeted a couple of acquaintances in the building while taking the steps two at a time. Whistling cheerily, he placed his hand on the knob of the door and waiting just long enough for the wards to read him, before he threw the door open. _

_ "Davon! How was your day today? Hope I didn't keep you wait…" _

_ Time slowed, hitched and then halted entirely. There was no dinner waiting for him. There were no candles or romance of any kind. Davon was seated facing him, smirking slightly with a chair on either side of him. The one on his left was empty, but the one on his right was filled with the flashy robes and awfully dyed hair of Rita Skeeter._

_ "Hellooo, Harry, so lovely to see you again. You've been such a naughty boy, Harry; completely ignoring all my requests and floo calls. After all, you are such a precious commodity. Those last two flings of yours gave me very little to work with, so I'm afraid you forced me to call in my best. Davon is my nephew and the best source I've ever found. I quite wore out his welcome in Ireland, I fear, and so I quickly brought him over here. He's been so very helpful, cooking up this little tête-à-tête so I could finally wring a story out of you. So, Harry," here she sucked obscenely on her acid pen, "tell me how your little dating experience has been going?" _

_ For long moments, he could do nothing, merely stand there and watch as the woman who had long ruined his life stared at him with such smug satisfaction that part of him was plotting how to kill her in the worst possible way. And Davon… the man he had, moments before, been ready to promise his love and life to, was gazing at him with the same smirk, all traces of love and caring gone as if they had never been there. Had they ever been there?_

_ "Davon… please." The other man looked back at him as if he were becoming tiresome._

_ "It's been fun, Harry, really it has. You're simply a doll, and you've helped me more than you can possibly understand. Thanks to you, with this interview, I'll have enough to keep me satisfied for a long time. Really, Potter, the sex was great but who would ever want to chain themselves to you? The-Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort, it's frankly rather intimidating and with your baggage…sorry, love but you honestly aren't worth it. Now, Harry, you need to sit down so Aunt Rita can get her scoop. I've got a Portkey to catch in the morning." _

_ One single tear traced down the thinly scarred face, causing the woman's pen to quiver as it rapidly wrote everything down. In one instant, the liquid was evaporated by the wave of magic that slammed into the two sitting in front of the Auror. Both of them were blown out of their seats by the shockwave coming from the shaking man. Between one breath and the next, he was gone, apparating through his carefully laid wards, snapping them in an instant. The two rumpled figures stood, dusting themselves off, before setting their chairs upright and retaking their seats. The green quill was replaced to parchment and the older woman turned to her co-conspirator. _

_ "So, Davon, are you ready for your tell-all début?" _

_ "More than ready, Aunt. This will be more than worth your Galleons."_

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><p><em> He had no idea where he'd apparated. He had simply wished with all his heart to be somewhere, ANYWHERE, that wasn't his flat. He could not face one more heartbreaking second. For unnoticed hours, he sat on the hard ground and cried. His body wracked with sobs, tears that were for more than just his broken trust or his trampled dreams. They were for his lost childhood, his innocence that was sacrificed for people who only wanted to use him, use him and use him until there was nothing left. They were for the classmates who didn't survive Voldemort and those that did but maybe shouldn't have. They were for the people he cared for who had been marked by a monster that had stolen so much from him, he seemed to never be able to recover. They were for his parents and the complete dearth of adults he had to fall back on. He cried until there were no more tears left in him, until the sun rose in the sky on a day he wished fervently he was not able to greet. <em>

_ He could not show his face at the ministry. He simply could not face the crowds, the curiosity, the pity, and the gossip. He had no doubt that what had been printed today was the worst possible article Skeeter could come up with. Everything he had poured out to the man, every hope, every doubt, every fear, every dream were now or would soon be read by the Wizarding World. He had trusted Davon more than anyone before him, even Ginny and now he was laid bare for the populace for money. Groaning, he gulped than retched as his soul cried at the emotional and psychological rape. _

_ Davon had been right; who would want to deal with who he was seen as and with the monstrous load of baggage he carried with him. Who in their right mind could ever love Harry Potter? _

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><p>Please review.<p>

E


	10. And Where It Lands Is Where It Should Be

Sorry for the longish break between this chapter and the previous chapter; I had been posting chapters one right after the other when suddenly I realized I was just about to overtake my beta's current work and decided to pull it back a bit. Than I got caught up writing a short fic and realized it had been longer than I intended. But here it is. This is really a continuation of the flashback in the previous chapter. We get to see what others were doing while Harry hid away from the world. The next chapter should be up sooner than this one was.

Again, I would like to thank those wonderful people who have either favorited this story or set up an alert on it. It's nice to know people are reading it.

Thanks goest to JaneAlpha, who reviewed the last chapter. Yes, poor Harry. Though to be fair, that is at it's most basic the plot of the entire series! ;P

And of coures, big thanks goes to my wonderful beta reader, SilverSmile!

E

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><p>Chapter 10: And where it lands is where it should be<p>

Harry never could remember the day after the disastrous 'date'. Flashes of sky, trees, sun, pain, crying, and then nightfall were all that his mind would ever recover. The one thing he did remember that he never told anyone, not even Severus, was the moment when he had conjured a knife and had held it over his wrist, imagining the blood flowing over his pale skin and the physical pain that would briefly cover the emotional pain until all pain for him had ceased.

He hadn't, he couldn't throw away his mother's gift and Sirius' sacrifice like that. The thought of joining them had been so very tempting, but their certain disappointment had stalled his hand. He had flung the sharp temptation far away from him and cried out his fear, pain, and shame.

It was not until a month or more after the fact, that he actually learned what had been happening while he hid from the world.

_Kingsley had been in a hurry that morning, having overslept after the late nights he had pulled the last three weeks. Because of this, he had not seen the _Daily Prophet_ until Tonks had run into his office, upsetting half of his in-tray. A sharp retort died on his lips at the look of anxiety and barely restrained rage that literally warped her face. _

_ "What is it?" The paper was thrust into his hand, the headline taking up nearly the entire front page._

**Potter Lover Tells All! The Deepest Secrets of The-Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort!**

_ "Shit." Rushing out of his office, he glanced into the empty office next to his and sighed. "Get me O'Doherty. Now! And Tonks, firecall the Weasleys; we need to find him."_

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><p><em>The staff table at Hogwarts was missing only a couple of its usual occupants that morning. Headmaster Dumbledore was enjoying a delightful conversation with his Potions Master when owls delivered the newspaper to most of the residents of the Great Hall. The ancient wizard did not even glance at the rag as he removed it from the owl's grasp, setting it aside for later. The gasp of what could only be called horror coming from the dark man beside him caught his attention immediately. <em>

_ "Severus, whatever is the…" Fire burned in the usually twinkling blue eyes. "I must call Kingsley and Ron and Hermione immediately. He should not be alone in this. Then, I believe I will have a long overdue discussion with the publisher of this infamy. I believe this has gone past too far." Standing rapidly, the powerful sorcerer belied talk of infirmity as he marched swiftly into battle. _

_ The ex-Death Eater felt his anger rising as he quickly scanned the vicious exposure of a good man's private thoughts and feelings. It went far beyond obscene, it was ruthlessly perverse and should never have seen the light of day much less be printed for everyone to read. While he did not claim to be Harry's (he had been guilted into calling his former student by his first name) close friend, he had watched the boy grow into a dichotic strong and fragile man and he knew without a doubt that this betrayal might simply destroy him. He hoped that the hurting man had sought out a friendly shoulder to cry on but knew it was too much to hope for. Potter had always been one to burden no one with his problems, a trait that more than once could have gotten him killed. _

_ Standing, Severus Snape did the only thing he could to help. He stalked out the front door and towards the cabin that housed the boy's first and still close friend, hoping he might find the hurting man before he did something terribly stupid and utterly Potter. _

_ It was now late at night and Harry had not moved for close to twenty-four hours. It was as if life had completely stopped for him. He wished he did not have to ever leave this peaceful glade that had provided him a place to hide from the world's prying eyes. Perhaps he wouldn't. He might just stay here forever, wherever here was. Wrapping himself loosely in his Auror robes, he lay down on the cold ground, not sleeping but simply existing and trying to stop his brain from thinking. _

_ He did not know how long he had laid there, dozing before the crunch of brush underfoot startled him. Fearfully, he swung his gaze back and forth across the glade, trying to see who or what was about to destroy his solitude. In a remarkably childish movement, he curled up in a tight ball, hoping immaturely that whoever it was could not see him. _

_ Closer and closer the steps came, until Harry was sure he was going to be trampled on. He knew the instant he was spotted. The steps halted suddenly, as if the person making them had slammed into an invisible barrier. Then, they started inexorably towards him, slowly, as if worried they might frighten him. A rustle and then a warmth seated beside him, close enough that he could feel the body heat, but without actually touching._

_ "Harry." There was a wealth of emotion in that well remembered voice that had once rung with snark and ridicule. There was no hint of those in the voice that night, but what did ring in that velvety, husky, and powerful voice brought the green irises swimming in pools of blood flying up to lock on black eyes that always blocked their owner's thoughts._

_ The shutters in the black eyes opened for just a moment, but Harry saw and could never forget. _

_ This was where he should be._

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><p>So, here is the beginings of what will become the relationship they had at the start of the story. We will see more of this tenative begining in future chapters. Hope you all enjoy! Please, please, let me know what you think!<p>

E


	11. This Time It's Like, The Two of Us

Hey! Really long time no see! Sorry about that, but I had a little probably with my computer-namely what I've always called "the blue screen of death". After pretty much wiping my computer, praying my stories were on my external harddrive, finding the lovely things, dancing around, cussing out the computer, etc. I am now finally back.

Anywho, I thought tonight would be a lovely time to post a new chapter because I have just got back from The Deathly Hallows Part 2 and (fan girl squeels echo through the room) it was not bad at all. I sobbed like a baby during a certain scene (cough, Severus, cough) and pretty much through a good chunck of the rest of the movie but it was everything I had pictured while reading the book, so I thought it was pretty good. Noticed Grindelwald was nonexistant though...interesting. I may not like the book so much, but the movie was a good adaptation and the acting was really good.

So, to remind myself that Severus is alive (in my story at any rate), here is a new chapter, in the "present" this time.

BTW, loved the reviews suggesting Severus plot revenge on Rita and her evil helper. Well...we won't rule that out. Intriguing, most intriguing.

Thanks once again to my lovely beta and the wonderful people who have reviewed, alerted, and faved. This chapter exists despite technical difficulties mostly because of the thought of disappointing you all. It is dedicated to all of you.

E

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><p>Chapter 11: This time it's like, The two of us should probably start to fight<p>

The silence in the hotel room was deafening and so thick one could almost breathe it in. Severus, for once in his life, didn't know what to do. The largest part of him was screaming to take his lover and run; run as far away from his former friend and all the evil men the former Death Eater had gathered around him. Who better than he knew what Harry was about to do? And who else but he knew the price that duty would bring?

And yet, the part of him that was Severus the spy and former Death Eater, told him who better to do this, than the man who stood before him. He, himself had trained Harry, trained him to kill, to hide, to survive. No one else except the former spy himself could do this job better. A job that had to be done; their world could not afford another Dark Lord, not now.

So, he stood silently, for what could he say? He could not ask Harry to be careful, for he knew he would be; and he would not beg him to stop this dangerous mission.

Arms wrapped around him, like steel bands they trapped him and held him in their unyielding grip. Harry knew, he always knew what Severus most wanted to say and all too often could not.

"I could kill him simply for the fact that he interrupted this lovely time." A snort somehow made it past the lump that was rapidly filling his throat. "I wish… well, I wish a lot of things, but mostly I wish we could share these last few hours, but I need to prepare for tonight and… well, you are a rather wonderful distraction." A kiss was placed against his neck, but he could not move, could not return the half-hearted banter. "Oh, Severus, you are the only one I can tell that I am afraid. Not that I will be discovered, you trained me too well for that. I don't fear the man, because I have stared into his much darker master's eyes and laughed. I am afraid of what I will be after this is over. I am afraid that I will be... unable to let go of what I had to do. I am afraid that I will let this destroy me. I am afraid… that I will no longer be someone who you can lov…"

Movement returned before the younger man could finish vocalizing his deepest fear. "NEVER!" It was now his arms that supported, that trapped his lover and gave comfort. "I know you, Harry Potter; better than you know yourself. You are better than a hundred Lucius Malfoy's. You will beat him; you will destroy him. If you cannot escape your demons, I will fight them. If this destroys you, I will pick up the pieces and together we will heal you. You can never be anything but my Harry, my brat, and you will never be anyone but the only one I have ever and will ever love!" Lips crashed in a frantic attempt to seal his vow, to breathe into this young man the truth of his words.

Time seemed to stand still as lips, hands, and bodies moved as one to express what words could never capture. First bodies, than hands, and finally lips moved apart, but the eyes. The eyes, both black and green, locked and could not draw away. Everything that needed to be said was communicated in that silence and then, first black then green, closed.

The older man nodded once, almost imperceptibly, and then carefully placed the few items that had been taken out of his suitcase back into it, snapping the locks loudly. Gently, he placed a light, almost chaste kiss on his boyfriend's mouth and then slipped out of the door.

The green-eyed man stood for a few more seconds and realized his lover had given him the greatest gift he ever could; Snape had refrained even once from starting one of their still legendary fights before Harry had to walk completely into hell. They should have fought, there were nearly an infinite number of reasons they could have chosen, but they hadn't and Harry would always be more grateful than he could ever express.

"Do svidaniya, Severus." He gave their own, private goodbye that said more than any words could how often they parted under trying circumstances and then, he turned and began the long process of donning his persona, both physically and mentally.

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><p>(A literal translation of the Russian word for goodbye is "Go With God". If it is mispelled PLEASE let me know. I looked it up on the internet but I dont' know anyone who speaks Russian. I've always loved their way of saying goodbye.)<p>

What do you think? Please let me know!

Thanks all who read,

E


	12. Coz something's gotta go wrong

I'm not going to apologize because there is nothing I can say that is good enough for the length of my absence from this story. I could say that I have been unable to contact my beta, so I sat on the few chapters I had left. I could say I've suffered through two (or is it three now) major computer issues. All are true, but this should have still been up well before now.

I am, however, back and hope to post several chapters betaed or not very soon. I have nearly completed this story, though we are a ways from the ending at this chapter.

Thank you to all you wonderful people who have stuck with this story and added it to your alerts and favorites. I hope it continues to live up to your expectations.

E.

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><p>Chapter 12: Coz something's gotta go wrong, Coz I'm feeling way too damn good<p>

"Rise, Dameon. You have more than proved your loyalty after last week. We were all suitably impressed by your devotion to our cause." Dameon (Harry) stood, head bowed, and allowed the characteristically verbose wizard to monologue about how noble they were and how great the cause and blah, blah, blah. It seemed a prerequisite that all Dark Lords had to be able to deliver a soliloquy at a moment's notice. How bloody predictable.

"Come forward, Dameon, and accept the mark that will complete your acceptance in this august brotherhood." Yeah, very august. Malfoy had definitely gone down in the world since the final battle. His clothes were still impeccable but the men surrounding him could not be said to be anywhere near the social class as the once exceedingly vain Death Eater. They were all purebloods, but most had lost their family fortunes (which they of course blamed on Mudbloods and Half-breeds, rather than their own pitiful management or their fathers' squandering) and all of them had run afoul of Europe's Wizarding Ministries and even one from the American's.

Pushing everything aside but his jubilant desire to join them (the truth, as it would then bring about their downfall), he stepped forward and tore the left sleeve of his robe off, baring the unmarred flesh. Almost gently, the pale aristocrat took his arm and brought it out and up until he was forced to his knees, his arm held up for all to see.

"Don't worry about screaming, everyone does."

A wand was jammed into the fleshy underarm and then there was…pain. Pain. PAIN! Oh Merlin, this beat the Cruciautis by a wide margin. That spell, horrible in its own way, was all about physical pain. This, this was a pain that battered at his mental shielding and shredded his soul in a way that he had never dreamed possible. The stain, the taint, the sheer EVIL seeped into this body and wrapped his core in heavy chains that he knew without a doubt he would never be completely rid of. He screamed all right, but it was not pain given voice, but hopelessness.

The marking went on for what seemed like hours. Finally, his arm was dropped and he curled himself into a ball, forehead touching the floor as he fought to regain his control. Finally though, he turned, still on his knees and reached out with his now marred arm and rested his fingers on the train of the older wizard's robe. Now, he could only wait and hope his glamour had held throughout the onslaught and that his Occlumency shields had remained strong. For a long moment, nothing moved, no one spoke and Harry had just begun to despair when a hand lightly rested on his bowed head.

"Welcome, my loyal brother. Rise and take your place among us." The Auror rose unsteadily and made his way slowly to his place in the semi-circle before whirling and took his place standing tall, shoulders back, arms at his side and head up. He was a Death Eater now, and weakness was no longer allowed.

While Malfoy prattled on about the glorious cause and other things that Harry had little interest in, he allowed himself to feel a brief sense of pride. He had done it; he had infiltrated the neo Death Eaters and could now begin to bring them down completely from the inside. In a few months, all of his fellow members would be behind bars and Malfoy would be transferred to Azkaban to have the honor of being the last victim of the Dementor's Kiss. Things were going to plan and Harry could not help the feeling that everything was working out quite well (though he was careful to not even brush against the thought of the mark now burning darkly on his arm; his fears spoken to…HIM were proving all too right).

Yes, everything was going very well.

Which of course meant it was about to come toppling down all around him.

"My brothers, this is indeed a great day for us all. Not only have we welcomed a new right thinking brother into our midst but we have had a great prize delivered into our hands this night. I think everyone here will recognize our guest. After all, he is the Traitor that caused the destruction of our Lord."

_No…_

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><p>Would love to hear what you think….<p> 


	13. Sometimes I Think Best If Left

Stuff is starting to heat up as we take another look back into how this relationship got started. More interesting times to come.

E.

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><p>Chapter 13: Sometimes I think best if left in the memory<p>

Severus spared not a glance at the building his quick strides were leaving far behind him. He couldn't look back, because if he did… Harry had a duty to perform and no amount of frivolous wishing could change that. If he gave into the actions every cell of his body screamed at him to do, his lover would never thank him and would almost certainly come to hate him because of them. No, the man knew what he was doing, he had been trained by the best (namely a certain Potion Master, ex-Spy of Hogwarts), and he was the one of the most powerful wizards of the age.

All of this the analytical part of Snape's mind knew, but the other part knew a great deal more about the green-eyed man. That part of the complex man remembered a part of the Auror that was still a neglected child, one who was still recovering from a complete breakdown. Though it had been years since that day in the Forbidden Forest, it had only been four years since Harry returned to active duty and three since he had been assigned to anything halfway dangerous. Kingsley was more than Harry's boss, he was a friend and he had made sure that no pressure was placed on the unstable man until he had gotten on his feet again.

In the early days, everyone had feared for the man's life, never mind his sanity.

_Severus had hurried the still traumatized man into his secluded rooms and there he had remained for many months. Albus of course was the first to know, coming down bare hours after he had potioned the boy into a Dreamless Sleep. Blue eyes that held nary a glint of their normal twinkle took in the destroyed man before turning to his professor's side. _

_ "I will let the Order know he has been found. That should take care of any person who would truly want to know. I will not tell them where he is, other than he is safe. They may guess, but I will do everything in my power to hold them off until he feels ready to see them. I will take your classes for the week, and then we will see if a longer-termed replacement needs be acquired." The younger man glared at his mentor. _

_ "I never said I was going to help the boy."_

_ "Aren't you?" Damn those twinkling eyes. _

_ "…Keep those ravenous Gryffindor's away from my rooms. I can assure you my ire will be great."_

_ "Of course, Severus. Harry needs time to heal; you do think of everything." Grinding his teeth to keep from indulging the insanity in front of him, the Potion Master swirled away to fulfill his…duty._

_ Those first few days had been the hardest. No one but Harry, himself, and perhaps Dumbledore knew just how completely the betrayal destroyed the young man. Because of his upbringing as well as the extravagant and utterly outrageous expectations leveled on him at such a young age, the Boy-Who-Lived had always cultivated a façade of invulnerability and self-reliance. It had not been till the final days of the war that Severus had seen the other side of Harry. The side he hid even from his friends and lovers; the small boy who would never feel good enough and anything other than a freak. At the time, he had done what he could, but between work for the order, teaching, spying, and training_ – _there had been little time. So the Boy-Who-Lived became the Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort, had been made an Auror straight out of school (what more could they teach him that Snape had not already), inherited the totality of the Potter holdings, and was forced to walk in the public eye. _

_Davon's betrayal destroyed the carefully made façade and Severus was left with a young man who had seen far too much_ – _little of it good_ –_ and who could not imagine a single person who would care if he had ever existed. And Dumbledore believed the man who had ridiculed him through most of his time at Hogwarts was the best man to care for the savior's fractured psyche? The man's mental faculties concerned him at times. _

_The problem was more the fact that Dumbledore's decision seemed the best choice only if one knew the truth of Snape's feelings concerning his former student. He had long admired how the boy handled the constant attention and fame as best as he could with no guidance as well as his understanding of how little it actually meant. While Snape might have ridiculed him about bathing in the adulation, it had been simply untrue. He had, however, been blind to the underlying reasons for his behavior, his choices, and his actions. _

_Simply, Harry did not see his life to be of much worth, but he cared deeply for others. He would do anything to ensure that others were safe and happy, with no thought to himself. Davon's actions were not taken as an extreme, heinous action so much as understandable and completely compatible with the boy's worldview. _

_It had taken three weeks of hammering the idea into that thick head before the boy started to believe what his doctor, companion, councilor, and friend had been saying from the beginning. What had finally convinced him was as funny as it was tragic._

_[Severus had been frustrated that day, mostly from the attempt yesterday when he had found Harry in the shower with his hands bleeding from the mirror he had smashed in one of his fits of anger. Nothing seemed to be working and he was beginning to fear that nothing ever would. Turning sharply on the huddled figure, he slammed his hands down on the arms of the chair, hemming the boy in. Broken green eyes gazed up at him, begging him for something he would not give._

"_Damn it, Potter! Do you think I would waste my time if I didn't think your pitiful life was worth saving? Would I still your hand from taking your life if I did not consider it something precious? When have you ever known me to do anything out of pity?" He had immediately wanted to take ever_y_ word back; he had thought even he could have sympathy enough to not antagonize a suicidal person. _

_Hands came up and gripped his shoulders, and black and green locked. Whatever green saw there was enough. They lowered, but as they did shoulders straightened and the dark head rose. There were no more attempts after that.]_

_ When Harry had finally reclaimed his life and his job, Severus believed that was the last he would see of him. He was surprised, therefore, to receive a letter from the man, inviting him to dinner that weekend. Those delightful evenings would be scrupulously continued for three years; when one kiss turned their worlds upside down. _

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><p><em><em>More background with a hint of where Severus is currently. More to follow.

Please let me know what you all think.


	14. It's Better Kept Inside Than Left

And here we see what happened to Severus.

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><p>Chapter 14: It's better kept inside than left for good<p>

Severus had almost reached the train station when something made him stop and glance behind him. Movement out of the corner of his eye told him that someone had ducked out of his sight, unprepared for their target to look anywhere but right in front of him. Muttering curses under his breath, the former spy fell back, attempting to catch his trail unaware. Apparently, they knew his methods however, as he soon found himself ducking through alleys and running nowhere particular in a foolish effort to shake off his pursuers. He had made such an amateur mistake knowing his knowledge of the city was simply not enough to even hope for a miracle. When had he become so sloppy?

They didn't take him down without a fight, though. At least two of them would be forced to seek medical attention and another might never completely regain use of his wand hand. In the end, however, it was futile and he knew it. All it took was one lucky hit and the numbers were simply against him.

As consciousness returned, Severus was pleased to see that his captives were stupid enough to place him in a room with access to outside light. This told him he had only been out moments. He was, unfortunately, also in magical bonds in a room sealed magically as well. Without his wand (even these fools were at least smart enough to confiscate it), there was little he could do until his captor returned. Then he could see what he had to work with, that is if the person had not simply left him here to rot. For a moment, his thoughts turned to his young lover. With any luck, he was still in Berlin and could count on Harry for support once he escaped. It was just his luck that no one was expecting him back at Hogwarts for at least another day and Harry no doubt believed he had already returned to England. So, no hope for backup; he would have to rely on his wits and skills.

A surge of adrenalin brought him a near nostalgic remembrance of a time when this was a common occurrence. While most of him was quite happy with his safer life since the Dark Lord's downfall, a small part missed living on the edge. At times he quite envied his younger lover and the missions he was often away on.

That was one of the reasons why he had not pressed when Harry had asked if they could keep their relationship a secret for a time. The boy wanted it a secret because the media had been the death of all his previous attempts. Severus had not been opposed because he had needed to keep a distance from his lover's action packed life. That had been his world for too many years and he couldn't lie to himself that he missed it at times. While teaching hormone riddled and brain damaged students potions came with its share of excitement (and near death experiences), Severus at times craved the world of espionage and the thrill of danger.

There had been another reason, though, one that had even outweighed his cravings for parts of his old life. There had been a large part of him that had simply feared that the Boy-Who-Lived would give into the pressure that would surely be brought against any hint of a relationship between them. Severus might now be seen as on the side of Dumbledore and the Ministry, but even that could not erase his sins both real and perceived. He was damaged goods, fit to maybe teach their children but never good enough for their hero. Never mind that he was one of the few that could understand being chained to the Dark Lord and how it was to struggle against that. Never mind that he understood being an abused child and how that could follow you for your entire life. Never mind that he understood Harry better at times than the man did himself. He would simply never be good enough.

How could they stay together when the whole of the Wizarding community was turned against them? Could their connection withstand the speculations, the whispers, and the slander? And yet, a part of Severus wanted to try. He was tired of hiding in the darkness. He was ready to show the doubters and the disbelievers that he was worth something, especially in the eyes of their hero.

All of these thoughts left him as the sounds of rocks grinding across each other filled the tiny cell. Before he could move, a wave of energy thrust him against the back wall, too far away for him to be able to try anything. It took a moment for his vision to clear from the crack his head had received, so he did not at first recognize the man in front of him. Not until he opened his mouth, for there was no one else in the world who could affect quite the same level of bored superiority wrapped around pure insanity.

"My dear Severus, it has been entirely too long since last we met."

"Not long enough, Lucius. Not nearly long enough; I had hoped the aurors had found you by now." He should have predicted the backhand that statement got him; he really should have known better.

"Now, now, old friend, there is no call to be uncivil. As if those imbeciles could ever take on the heir of the Dark Lord. If it weren't for traitors," here a particularly vicious curse was thrown at the man who was still stuck to the wall of his prison, "they would have never been able to bring down our-excuse me, my Lord. At least I know my duty, though what can you expect from half-bloods? I, at least, have not abandoned my Lord and I will see his vision fulfilled; the Wizarding world will be pure again. And I will ensure that such a pollution of our bloodlines can never happen again. We will rule, as we were always meant to over these pathetic creatures."

"And here I thought no one could rival Riddle for insanity; you've risen to a whole new level of imbecility if you think you are in any way capable of assuming the Dark Lord's postion, Lucius. You always were a mediocre wizard at best…" The rest of Severus' rant was cut off by a scream as the Cruciatius curse was leveled on him. He thrashed around on the dirty floor, a small part of his brain remarking that it hurt much worse than he remembered it doing. Finally, the curse was raised. "Except…for…one…spell."

A smirk that did nothing to hide the madness burning in the fevered eyes marred the aristocratic face. "Ah, Severus, you always had a way of getting under one's skin. I will say I have not missed that particular trait. You have rather made me forget myself. I had not planned to use that curse on you quite yet. Oh, no old friend, I have great plans for you." With this, he turned and walked out of the dim cell, the sun now all but gone over the western horizon. His parting words, barely heard over the grind of stones settling back into place, left the former Death Eater shaking with fear.

"After all, it wouldn't do to reunite Harry Potter with his lover too terribly damaged, now would it?"

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><p>Hope you all enjoyed, please review and let me know what you think!<p>

E.


	15. Lookin' Back Each Time They Tried

Well, we're just about back to where we left Harry at. New stuff happening in the next chapter which should be out soon. Sorry for how short this one is; this was my first story where I let the chapter titles and the story itself chose the length of the chapters and while it made it easier to write, some of the chapters look pretty lonely.

E.

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><p>Chapter 15: Lookin' back each time they tried to tell me<p>

Two boys, barely out of school, drug Severus down caverns while an older wizard kept a wand trained on him at all times. Apparently Lucius had not forgotten his old friend's tricks.

While his long practiced mask showed little care for what was going on, inwardly Severus was scared in a way he had not been even in the very presence of the Dark Lord himself. Lucius' seemingly innocent comment spoke of several possibilities that were each too terrible to contemplate but together nearly brought the old spy to his knees.

Fact: Lucius knew Harry Potter was after him and that he was close.

Conjecture 1: He knew Harry's alias and the meeting tonight was a trap.

Conjecture 2: He knew Harry was closing in and was going to use Severus as bait.

Conjecture 3: He knew Harry was around and Severus' body would be sent as a warning. This last was unlikely if one took Lucius' words at face value but was not out of the realm of possibility.

Fact: Lucius knew Severus and Harry were lovers and Severus was his prisoner.

Conjecture 4: If his first conjecture was correct, than his appearance might be Lucius' assurance that he could take on The-Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort.

Conjecture 5: If his second one was correct, Harry would fall for it. The idiot would ignore every single aspect of his training and do one of the stupidest things he had ever done. He'd have to, it was in his genetic makeup to save people, particularly those he loved.

Conjecture 6: If the third conjecture was correct, there was little Severus could do but pray for two things. First, for a quick death (unlikely as Lucius was a vindictive bastard), and second, that Harry would be able to recover from the loss of the man who had pulled him back from the brink. That the most powerful and contradictory, the most self-effacing person he had ever met would be able to find enough self-confidence to love again.

Whatever was about to happen, Severus knew without a doubt that the next few hours were going to be some of the most painful of his life. Considering his history, that was saying something.

It wasn't as if he had not long been prepared for this outcome. The possibility of death had long been a close companion of his. Even before he took the most dangerous position of spy in the Dark Lord's inner circle, he had been resigned to a short life. It was not until returning to Dumbledore that his death might come to mean something. It was a miracle he had lasted until the end and for that, he would never be able to thank Harry enough. The brat had freed him in a way that he would never have been able to do himself. Once, he had resented that fact. Now he could only stand in awe of the boy that thought little of himself but gave everything for the good of others.

Now, however, Severus was the one thing he had fought to never be. A liability.

They came to a halt outside a pair of elaborate doors. Inside, they could hear Lucius talking for the purpose of hearing his own voice. Did he really think anyone actually listened to his stupid rants? Than, Severus heard a spell he had heard far too many times. A spell which he would ever feel the remnants of, the dark marking spell. A voice he knew almost better than he did his own screamed in pain and hopelessness, and the dark man's heart broke. All of Harry's spoken fears whispered only hours before filled his mind and he inwardly wept for the knowledge that he had always hoped Harry would never receive. The darkness that he had hoped would never touch the bruised but not broken light.

Finally, the scream ended and quiet reigned for several moments. Than Lucius' irritating voice was once again raised in an endless stream of Mudblood, bad, Pureblood, good, Dark Lord, etc. The man was a complete sycophant. Then came the words Severus had feared.

"My brothers, this is indeed a great day for us all. Not only have we welcomed a new right thinking brother into our midst but we have had a great prize delivered into our hands this night. I think everyone here will recognize our guest. After all, he is the Traitor that caused the destruction of our Lord."

Severus was about to meet his fate.

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><p>Hope you enjoyed! Please let me know what you thought!<p> 


	16. Well Something's Gotta Go Wrong

Yeah...you know that thing I said about short chapters. It definitely holds true here. Still, new material and this has always been one of my favorites.

E.

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><p>Chapter 16: Well something's gotta go wrong, Coz I'm feelin' way too damn good<p>

He was dragged into the circle and thrown to the ground in front of the play acting dark lord. He quickly rose to his feet; he might have been forced to bow to Riddle but he'd be damned before he bowed to the likes of Lucius Malfoy. While the rest of the circle (and what hole had the bastard dug these pieces of crap out of?) chuckled and congratulated themselves on capturing the big, bad spy, one man stared at him with barely concealed horror. Even if his face had not given himself away, Severus would have known him immediately because of the torn sleeve and fresh mark burning darkly on his pale skin. Silently, he begged his lover to remember his role. Lucius might not yet know…

"Shall we grant our newest member the honor of being the first to punish the traitor? Dameon? Shall you show us just what you can do?" At his false name, the auror did recover and stepped forward, bowing to the false lord.

"As you wish, my Lord." Dark eyes watched as the man drew a wand they knew was not the man's true one. Lids fell, covering burning darkness as the head jerked slightly in a nod. The former spy telling his lover to do whatever it took to keep his cover.

"Really, Harry, do you think you have it in you to torture your lover?" The man paused, then turned his gaze onto the sneering man standing above him.

"I beg your pardon, my Lord, I don't understand."

"Oh, I believe we understand each other quite well. I've known for a week now who you really are, Dameon…or should I say, Harry Potter. Rather foolish of you bringing your lover into the middle of such a dangerous situation. You practically gift wrapped the two of you for me. And now, I will accomplish two things my Lord was unable to do. The deaths of The-Boy-Who-Lived and the traitor. Avada…"

And the shit hit the fan.

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><p>Well, you can review...or you can wait for a slightly longer one. I'd be pretty cool with that.<p> 


	17. And It's Like, Evertime I Turn Around

Ok, here is where some of my readers are going to not like me. I've kinda tweaked some things, as you will see below…

E.

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><p>Chapter 17: And it's like, every time I turn around, I fall in love and find my heart face down<p>

Harry's wand flashed, sending a wordless spell to break the deadly one being aimed at his lover. Then he was moving, using wandless magic to send a wave of Expelliarmuses around the circle. Wands flew everywhere, allowing him to break the magical bonds on Severus' wrists. The man immediately picked up the closest wand and quickly Stupified the owner.

For the next several minutes or maybe hours, it was hard to tell, the two stood back to back and dueled the circle of neo-Death Eaters. None of them were particularly difficult, certainly none were anywhere near the quality of the originals, but the numbers were against them and more than one lucky hit got through their shields.

One moment, he was sending the killing spell at one of their toughest opponents (he had been given permission to use any and all methods if it became necessary), the next he was lying on the floor writhing and screaming. Dimly, he felt his lover's hands on him, holding him and grounding him. The beloved voice, fear roughing the normal smoothness, told him to breathe through the pain and push it away. Then the safe hands were gone, replaced by rough and unfriendly hands who jerked him to his knees and allowed him to thrash about, nearly snapping his own neck.

At last, the pain was gone, leaving him drained and gasping, head bent nearly to the floor. His vision bleed in and out, so he never saw the hand coming until it snapped his head to the side. Vaguely, he saw a black mass beside him, fighting its own restraining hands as if it was trying to get to him. A part of his abused mind told him it must be Severus. At least he was still alive. Harry was currently unsure if he was himself, though he rather hoped he was. Death should not hurt this much.

"Well, well, the traitor and The-Boy-Who-Lived on their knees in front of me. Must be my lucky day." The auror spit out the mouth of blood he had from biting his tongue. It was pure chance it landed on the aristocrat's robes, it wasn't like his eyesight allowed him accuracy. It also earned him another backhand.

"Lucius, I believe that was exactly what Riddle said before his much overdue demise. There is such a thing as taking hero worship a bit too far." Another slap, but without the pain. Noble Severus, trying to draw the madman's attention to himself, was always protecting him. While it might have been a good thing at eleven, it was a bit embarrassing to have to be rescued in his thirties. If only he could figure out just what spell was still sending fissures of pain blazing through his veins. The pain seemed to be coming not from an outside source but from a specific point…on his arm.

With an audible gasp, he blindly grasped at the heated stain on his left arm, finally grasping exactly what he had done.

"Yessss." The blond must have been taking private lessons from Voldemort, only snake-face had been able to make that word sound so sinister and wrong. "You finally understand just how much power I have over you, especially while the mark is so new. It took Severus a couple years before he could gain enough sense of self to resist enough to run to Dumbledore. At the beginning, I can cause your heart to stop beating," Harry gasped and fell forward as he felt the organ skip a beat than rush to keep up, "stop your lungs," for a few frightening seconds, life giving oxygen was denied him, "or I could order you to kill yourself." His hand picked up his dropped wand; he watched horrified as the point turned to his own chest. Laughter rang out throughout the room as the young man felt his own body defy him. Suddenly, the hand dropped, a tear falling beside it. "You see, Harry Potter, you have given yourself to me. I can do anything I wish with you. And I assure you, you will not get enough time to learn to resist the call."

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><p>Explanation:<p>

I was always bothered by the overemphasis on the mark and then later, the under emphasis. Voldemort, his followers, etc. were built up as this great and terrible evil…and that all sort of petered out. Early in the series, I hypothesized that such a power-hungry, intelligent, cunning Dark Wizard as Voldemort was portrayed would have has some sort of safety measure built into the marks. His characteristics, I think, perfectly fit with a dictator who would bind his followers so tightly to him that he would feel safe enough around them to focus his attentions elsewhere. I mean he had Lucius, a powerful wizard in more than one way, under his control. The idea of coercion is very easy to connect with the mark. This could also explain some of Severus' actions towards Harry and others. He had strong enough will to resist, but not enough to completely break free. You readers seem to be taking my changes pretty well, but I wanted to try to explain my reasons for this difference.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

E.

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><p>BTW, nice longer chapter, so please hit the button below and tell me what you think! :)<p> 


	18. And Where It Lands

I hope many of you are still with me, even after my further disruption of canon. The next few chapters should once again follow my switching between Severus and Harry. I hope this makes up for the cliff hanger I left. I apologize for that, because I meant to post chapter 17 only a couple hours after 16.

...and now this one is late as well. Dang. Sorry about that.

E.

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><p>Chapter 18: And where it lands is where it should<p>

Severus watched as the boy's shining spirit was crushed completely. He had been unwilling to tell the Aurors the extent of the marks control over the bearer's mind, body, and soul. If he had, none of the Order of the Phoenix would have ever trusted him. How could you trust someone when you knew just how far the chains wrapped around every part of them? How could you trust someone whose emotions could be manipulated, body controlled, soul mangled with but a whim from a madman no matter the distance?

Dumbledore had, but then Dumbledore's mental faculties were often in question. That and the man had always believed the best in everyone he ever met. He'd even given Tom Riddle multiple chances! Albus had believed that Severus could fight and remain strong against such an internal on slot and, in general, his faith was well placed. However, as his behavior towards Potter for his school years showed, he had never had full control of himself. He could work against his master's plans, but he had done everything in his power to attack Voldemort's greatest enemy. It had not been until his master's death that Severus had finally been in his right mind in decades.

And now, Harry was experiencing the agony that came with swearing away control over your very being. The Aurors had always believed that the Dark Mark served to Mark and Call Death Eaters to the Dark Lord, but it was so much more. As Harry had learned to his detriment; though he must have suspected from things Severus had let slip through the years.

It was up to Severus to get them both out of this situation, and he could not count on Harry to be of much aid. Just being in disfavor of Lucius was causing him great pain, any further action against his master would cripple him. All he could hope was that his lover had backup coming…if he had gotten a chance to call them.

The next several minutes were a blur as the former spy fell back into a mindset he had long thought buried. Between the two of them, they had already put a sizeable dent in "The Lord of Night's" forces. Now, he held nothing back as he sent rapid-fire Avada Kedavas intermixed with waves of Expelliarmus. He knew, however, he was merely staving off the inevitable. There was simply no way a lone wizard could duel this many opponents and win. Finally, he was blasted back, losing his stolen wand and was soon kneeling in front of Malfoy (the bastard didn't even have a smudge on him-still letting others do his dirty work for him).

"My dear Severus, I'm pleased to see you have not lost your touch. I'm sure we have you to thank for Harry's great success as an Auror, as well. Seems, however, you did not teach him everything, hm, old friend? I will confess, I was surprised when we discovered that young Dameon was none other than The-Boy-Who-Lived. I couldn't help but see just how far he was willing to go. Still such a selfless hero, hmm Potter? What was it you said in Dumbledore's office to me? I said, 'here's hoping you were around to save the day' and you said…"

"Don't…worry…I will…be." The crumpled figure did not move, did not twitch, but the voice-the voice carried all his strength and determination.

"I'm afraid, Mr. Potter, that this time, you won't. You won't be able to so much as twitch a finger unless I say so. You'd not move if I killed you," here the snake-headed wand pointed resolutely at the young man, "or if I killed Severus," the wand point snapped over to point with deadly accuracy at the man's heart. "I can do anything and you would not be able to move. My word is your law, as the Dark Lord's was Severus' and mine. And now," true madness raged in ice-blue eyes, "I will finally rise above my Lord when I destroy his greatest enemies! Ava…"

An explosion ripped through the building driving half of the occupants of the room to their knees. Dark eyes glanced at green and saw the grim satisfaction buried deep within. Their backup was on their way.

"You, take a squad and find out what the hell is going on. Make sure whoever you find is dead." The blond head turned a truly murderous glare on the young auror. "Back up, Potter? As if any of your lot could challenge me. I am the Dark Lord's heir, they will tremble before me!" Severus did not even try to hide his snort at the maniac's words. Lucius had clearly lost his mind.

"If I remember correctly, _old friend_, it was you who trembled before them! It was you who fled the battlefield, only stopping long enough to murder your _wife_ and _son_! You are no more heir to the Dark Lord than I am. But you, unlike me, will follow him into death!"

Insanity riddled ice stared into solid black, before the blue closed as the aristocratic face dissolved into laughter. For several minutes, the two light wizards and their guards watched as the man standing over them laughed manically.

"Ah, Severus, have you not figured it out yet?" Wordlessly, he waved the remaining men out of the room, confident in his potion and power. "Your death was assured the moment you became my prisoner. Whether by my hand…or another's."

For a moment, Severus did not understand. Perhaps a part of him had long known how this situation would end, and he had simply forced himself to misunderstand. He could no longer plead ignorance however, even as it tore his heart.

A wand made of holly rested against his neck.

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><p>...Or not. I think you all might really kill me now. The next one will be out very soon...I hope. ;P<p>

Please let me know what you think!


	19. This Time It's Like, The Two of Us Shoul

Here's another of those tiny chapters. Sorry, but I think you might like to see things from another perspective.

I want to pause here and thank all of you lovely people who have reviewed, favorited, and/or alerted this story. It is wonderful to know that this story is being read and enjoyed. This has been my personal story that I have worked, dreamed, and fought with. To hear that people are enjoying it as much I did writing it means a great deal.

I also wish to remind people that these past chapters are unbetaed. I try to read over them, but I don't catch everything. Hope that hasn't detracted from the story too much.

E.

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><p>Chapter 19: This time it's like, The two of us should probably start to fight<p>

There was a film between Harry and the world around him. Dimly, he heard curses and hexes being thrown above his head while a much hated voice (how did one hate a voice?) directed the attacks against…someone. ( And why did he feel such worry for the nameless someone?)

Why was the damn voice talking? Could someone not shut it up? At least the noise had stopped, though why this filled him with dread was far beyond his current mental capacity. _Finally accepting your limits, Potter?_ Why did he feel happy when a voice put him down? Why couldn't he move? What the hell was going on?

Lucius Malfoy…he could almost see the Headmaster's office and that arrogant face that just begged to be punched. Hadn't they had this conversation before?

"Don't…worry…I will…be." If he knew nothing else, he knew he would someday, somewhere take down that arrogant bastard. If it was the last thing he did.

More noise…right, he'd sent his Patronus to the backup. Wait, since when did he have backup? No…he did and they needed it, because something had gone wrong. Black eyes stared at him, black eyes that were not suppose to be here. They were not supposed to be anywhere near here. This time it was his turn to play the spy. But something had gone wrong and now all he could do was try to protect the man that had done the same for him too many years and times to count.

Except there was something wrong with him, something that he had never experienced before. He had been injured both magically and physically. He had experienced mind magic of the most heinous kinds and he had watched people he loved die around him. Nothing, none of that had prepared him for this feeling of sheer _wrongness_ that pervaded every atom of his body. He could not move, thoughts and emotions flowed through his mind that were not his own, and a darkness the likes he had not felt since his scar seemed to fill every part of him.

Then, suddenly, he could move and he stood, drawing his hidden wand. This was the reason he was here. He would finally end it. This was his duty. Everything was going according to plan.

But if that were true, then why did it feel so wrong to press his wand against his enemy's throat?

And why did he feel such sorrow as he gazed into black eyes?

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><p>Another cliff hanger. I'm really mean this story. I don't normally do this many at once but the song lyrics, they all but beg for it. Sorry. (But not really.) :P<p>

Please let me know what you thought!

P.S. I'm really excited over this new Image Manager thing. Going to look into it now!


	20. Coz Somethings Gotta Go Wrong

This one is still kinda small, but this is where things get really interesting (like they haven't already!).

E.

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><p>Chapter 20: Coz something's gotta go wrong, Coz I'm feeling way too damn good<p>

Severus gazed into frighteningly blank emerald and knew that was about to happen would destroy his lover. It was everything Harry had most feared and so much more beyond his wildest nightmares. When he came to his senses (and Severus knew all too well that he would), Harry would not be able to deal with what the mark had caused him to do. All the Potion Master could hope was that Kingsley could be able to handle the fall out, or would be smart enough to call someone who could.

How like his old friend to choose something so cruel, so monstrous. At times, his cruelty rivaled the Dark Lord. The man was ranting on about something, but he was a bit character in this tragedy. This was between the two lovers, and the former spy was not about to waste a second of his remaining life paying attention to Lucius Malfoy. All he could do was look upon his lover and hope the guilt would not eat the man alive.

Something dripped to the ground beside him, and again and then a splatter. Looking down, he saw a collection of fresh blood gathering on the ground beside him. At first, he could do little but stare. No one in the room had any physical wound that would weep like that. Severus' gaze flew up and his dark eyes widened. The emerald eyes were still terrifyingly blank, but every muscle was locked as if in an intense struggle. This last was corroborated by the blood running freely out of man's nose. The former Death Eater had never seen anything like this before.

Apparently neither had Lucius. "Kill him! Potter, kill him NOW!" The hand holding the wand shook until the wood all but strangled the kneeling man, but no words were released from the bloodless lips. Several more alarmingly dark daubs of blood rolled down the white face and splattered to the ground below while the bared mark burned a lurid jet black. The area around it was rapidly turning ashen.

"KILL HIM, POTTER!" Lips moved then, forming a word over and over again, but there was no flash of a curse from the wand. It laid dead and cold against Severus' neck. Faster and faster the lips moved forming one word with all the man could give.

In one moment, everything changed. One second, the strange tableau was as life-less as manikins. The next, Lucius Malfoy fell to the ground, blood running from every cavity in his head. At the same time, the holly wand dropped to the floor, followed closely by its owner. One hit the harsh ground; the other did not.

Severus stared down at the lifeless figure in his arms, blood obscuring the beloved face. It was as if nothing existed any longer. He could not perceive the Aurors storm the room, lead by his old friend Kingsley. He did not observe the dead body of the last Death Eater.

He did not see the dark mark on his lover's arm.

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><p>Nuh nuh nuh, nuhnuh! Am I that mean? After all my cliff hangers recently (including this one), you might think so. Now I'm not one to cause such pain to my characters and just leave them there. No, we're going to get to see the aftermath of this for many people. A lot of bad has happened but hopefully some good may come of it as well. Also kudos to the people who guessed some of my plot! Thanks also to all those who reviewed, alerted, and favorited!<p>

Please let me know what you think!


	21. I Missed You So Much

Hey, sorry to make you wait so long for this one but there was a good reason this time. Honest! See, after I posted the last chapter I realized that I still had three unwritten chapters at the end of the story before it was completed. My writing had been reeeaaallly slow going lately and so I decided to take a quick break from posting, finish one chapter and then sloooooowly post the other chapters (which are significantly longer than the other-most are easily over 1,000 words apiece) while finishing up the last two. I knew what happened but it just wasn't going on the page. So, last night I turned on my One Piece anime to watch and I began working on the second half of the 1st of the last 3 chapters. I finished it so quickly, I then when on to the next one in hopes of getting a jump start. I finished that one so I started the final chapter...and finished it. It's done. The story is DONE! Yeah, dancing in the streets! So, here is the next chapter. The rest should-unforeseen events not withstanding-come along soon after. And no matter what you all can know that it is done and will be posted completed as soon as possible.

I want to thank you all for your wonderful reviews and the alerts/favorites as they have definitely helped push me through the last few chapters.

E.

P.S. Who would have thunk that an anime about crazy pirates would be the perfect thing to write Harry Potter to? Strange world, no?

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><p>Chapter 21: I missed you so much, That I begged you to fly and see me<p>

The new school year had begun two weeks ago, though the Potions Master would have been hard pressed to recall the students, the lesson plans, or the drivel the children dared to call their homework. Never, in all his years of teaching had Severus been less prepared. The reason for this most unprofessional situation, however, was such that none of his fellow teachers nor even the Headmaster could blame him.

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><p>Harry Potter had lain in St. Mungo's for a month, with no one able to say if he should ever wake or what the state of his health would be if he did. Severus had not left his side for a moment, causing quite a few suppositions and comments, though never directed at the Potions Master himself. This was as much for the others sake as well as the man himself, for he had sat beside the bedside of his lover with the severest expression anyone had ever seen upon his face. Even Dumbledore had hesitated to approach the taciturn man. It was not until the weekend before classes started that Albus had taken it upon his shoulders to press on into the breach.<p>

"Severus, my dear boy, you are not doing anything for Harry by refusing to care for yourself. Surely you could take an hour or two to…" Here the greatest wizard of his age decided that silence was the better part of valor. Even the strongest wizard would have second thoughts when faced with Severus Snape at his most ruthless. There was nothing that would induce him to leave the boy's side. "Very well, then. I simply wished to ascertain that you were in fact unable to make the start of term. I believe Remus is available for at least a month…"

"Headmaster, if your rather heavy handed endeavor was an attempt to gain yourself this institution's attentions, you have exceeded even my expectations. Now, before I curse you into oblivion, to what do I owe this particular annoyance?" The old man smiled sadly.

"Severus, the last thing I desire at this time is to cause you any more concern. However, I wanted to make certain that you wished to remain at Harry's side. We can certainly make do without you for a time." The glare leveled at the genial man did not even give him pause. He'd seen far worse from this complicated man.

"If your design was for my remaining here, you would never have mentioned or even hinted at recalling that slavering beast. No, you came here with the express purpose of saying the one thing you knew would cause me to return to Hogwarts." A small, proud smile graced the aged face as he gazed upon the man he had long counted as a friend.

"My dear Severus, you indeed know me far too well. I will admit, I've been gravely concerned for you. Perhaps you are not the one lying unconscious. I have, however, often seen and experienced that it is far harder on the ones waiting for the loved one to heal, rather than the one healing. Do not forget, old friend, you likewise were injured during the altercation."

"You did not see it, Albus. Harry…he was barely alive when I could begin aid. The potions spelled into him just to stabilize him enough for movement…and the blood. Merlin, is there any possibility that he could come through something like that and not be permanently…" A hand came to rest lightly on his shoulder, something that only a few years ago, he would never have allowed. At times he forgot how much his life had changed.

"Severus, if anyone could come through this unscathed, Harry would be the one. While I doubt from what you've told me that he will be entirely unscathed, I believe with all my heart that he will awaken as your Harry. That man would fight, has fought so much to be with you. For now, he needs to heal and there is little I can do for him. I can, however, do something for him that he currently cannot. I can ensure that you are cared for. Harry would never want to see you like this, old friend. The best thing for you to do would be to find a routine that would keep your mind from dwelling on what ifs. Too, you would never forgive me if I allowed anyone else to welcome your first years." The quick dark smirk told the old wizard that he had finally gotten through to the younger man.

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><p>And so, Severus had returned to Hogwarts, and if he reminded the staff more of the man before Voldemort's defeat rather than afterwards, well, they understood. Returning students, none of whom remembered the old Severus Snape, couldn't understand what had happened to the stern but fair professor. The first year students, some of whom were brought to tears by his lectures, were at a loss to understand why this teacher was so horrible.<p>

Then came the morning when the owls delivering The Daily Prophet brought longed for news. All the students, even many of the Slytherin students let out a cheer when they read the headlines:

Potter Wakes!

Auror Potter is conscious after a long convalescents following Malfoy mission!

St. Mungo's says: "Concerns are minimal."

See Page 3 for information on Lucius Malfoy's death.

A few of the professors as well let out more dignified cheers. Three, however, did not.

Headmaster Albus Dumbledore frowned at the headline, wondering why his colleague did not inform him of the boy's waking. Then he realized, with a glance at the man in question, that there was something much more worrying going on.

Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall's gaze swept the two men on either side of her. Albus was clearly worried though whether his worry concerned the lack of news or their Potions Master, she was unsure. Something, however, was wrong.

Severus Snape could not grasp what he was seeing. Harry's doctor had assured him that they would notify him the moment his lover showed any sign of consciousness. To find out like this… Slamming the paper on the table, he stalked off, once again looking like a bat out of hell.

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><p>The thick dungeon door slammed against the wall as it was thrown open in his wake. Angrily, he scrawled a few barely legible lines before stalking out, leaving his office door open behind him. A few minutes later, his owl was winging his way towards London carrying a message of anger, hurt, betrayal, and hope.<p>

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><p>Hope you all enjoyed this one. We are back solidly to the one chapter one character and then the next the other character. There is some healing to talk about as well as some...interesting times.<p>

Please let me know what you think!

E.


	22. You Must've Broke Down

Well, here we find out how Harry's been and why no one was informed of his waking. I want to thank all those who reviewed the last chapter. As you might notice, these are a bit longer than the previous several. Most will be. There are a lot of different things to address and tie up.

I did want to address one review that I think probably echos what a lot of people felt. I know I would have. They stated they hated where I leave off. The whole reason I started this story (other than I wanted to write a Severus/Harry story where they have both aged and grown and healed before falling in bed together) was to see how my writing was affected by using lyrics of a song as a framework for a story. This worked better than I dreamed...and had the unfortunate side effect of rendering too many cliffhangers because the next part fit with the next section of lyrics. I don't think I will always use this method, but I can see using it again. It really helped my focus on the story, moved it along in a pattern and within a framework, and aided me when I fell into writing slumps. This is sadly one of the easiest written stories I've done.

Anyway, enough about that. Heeeeerrreees...Harry!

E.

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><p>Chapter 22: You must've broke down, Coz you finally said that you would<p>

Pain. Most of his life had centered around that word. From his earliest memories on, Harry had known pain. Whether from outside sources (his uncle's fists and a bludger courtesy of Dobby came to mind) or internal (waking up crying every night after reaching for two figures he couldn't really remember or the sharp spike of pain that signified Voldemort was breaking into his mind), pain had become an old and much disliked acquaintance.

Slowly, Harry blinked his way back into the world. At first, he couldn't place why he felt so worried. He was lying in a soft bed, hushed voices all around him. What was it he was so worried about in a place like this? But…there was something missing. Someone was missing.

Dull green eyes lazily scanned the ceiling. No one would listen to him and put designs on Healer's ceilings (and anyone had to admit, The-Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort knew a few things about hospital wings). One moment, he lay quiet in bed. The next, Harry was leaping from the mattress, nearly falling onto the cold floor. Solid hands kept him from tipping over and tried to push him back into a more restful position but the Auror was having none of it.

"Severus…where…Lucius…no…SEVERUS!" This last was screamed with all his dwindling energy before the man collapsed, panting from movements his body had not been ready for. A rumble close by the bed brought his head around enough to see a dark blob next to his bed. The voice, he finally realized was Kingsley, and he sounded completely pissed.

"Potter. You better have a good explanation."

"Kinsl, wr Sev'rus?' Someone else in the room muttered under their breath but the Auror neither knew who nor cared. Kingsley would tell him what he wanted and that really was all that mattered.

"Out. Everyone out. Yes, you! Out, now!" A door closed somewhere off to the side and then there was quiet. "Potter, do you have any idea the shit-storm you've unleashed? The entire mission was compromised, which several well-placed people are blaming on Severus; Lucius Malfoy died on scene rather than being brought back as was clearly your orders; and Severus was found in the middle of a secret Auror mission concerning a former Death Eater! I don't care if he was your mentor, Potter, you have put him in a very difficult position and even Albus and myself might not be able to keep him out of this now. The man himself is being particularly unhelpful by being completely unconcerned by this. In fact, all he seems to care about is your well-being. Something you've been needing to tell me, Potter?" While most of the man's words could be called nothing so much as a dressing down, this last was said with all the humor and care he had always shown towards the young man. Who was rapidly turning a bit pink.

"Uhm yes, sir. We're…um…what you might call a couple."

"And how long has this been going on?"

"…a few years." A small twinkle glittered in the dark eyes as they took in young man lying in the bed before him. Only those two could keep something like this a secret for so long. Not that their reticence wasn't understandable, given the media's voracious appetite for anything Harry Potter. However, two men Kingsley counted as friends were in a ton of trouble and he was unsure how much help he could give them.

"Sir…Kingsley."

"Yes, Potter."

"Severus did not compromise the mission. Lucius already knew before he ever appeared in Berlin. The bastard wanted to see how far we were willing to go. Sir, make sure no one ever attempts this again. We…we had no clue what _it_ could do." There was no need to go into what _it_ was. "If Severus had not been there, not only would I have not been alive, but the rest of team would not have been either…by my own hand."

_"What?"_

"You. Don't. Know! Merlin, none of us did. That _thing_…it digs its claws into every part of you. I had no control over myself. I _gave_ Lucius every part of me, Kingsley. You can't understand it unless you experience and thank Merlin you won't have to. How Severus _functioned_…did what he did all those _years_! I owe him a deep apology. Kingsley," here shaking hands latched onto the spelled robes worn by all Aurors, "do whatever you have to but make sure they understand…that is _**never**_ an option. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Harry. I'm so sorry. But if Severus didn't compromise the mission, what did he do?"

"Saved me."

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><p>It took several days before Harry realized that Severus was not going to make an appearance. At first, he had slipped into old habits, sure that his actions had caused the man to want nothing to do with him. He dreamed one night of that moment shared in the hotel, however, and knew his fears were groundless.<p>

_"…I am afraid of what I will be after this is over. I am afraid that I will be...unable to let go of what I had to do. I am afraid that I will let this destroy me. I am afraid…that I will no longer be someone who you can lov…" _

_ Movement returned before the younger man could finish vocalizing his deepest fear. "NEVER!" It was now his arms that supported, that trapped his lover and gave comfort. "I know you, Harry Potter; better than you know yourself. You are better than a hundred Lucius Malfoys. You will beat him; you will destroy him. If you cannot escape your demons, I will fight them. If this destroys you, I will pick up the pieces and together we will heal you. You can never be anything but my Harry, my brat, and you will never be anyone but the only one I have ever and will ever love!" Lips crashed in a frantic attempt to seal his vow, to breathe into this young man the truth of his words. _

No, Severus would never abandon him. Something was going on and Kingsley looked so uncomfortable every time the man was brought up that Harry was sure something was going on that he would decidedly not like.

His answer came the next day in the Ministry liaison, none other than his old enemy, Fudge.

"You what." It was not a question. He had heard the pretentious gloatings the first time and had little wish to hear them again. He did not even shout it, no, Harry Potter was no longer a child; he was a grown man and now the most powerful wizard, with Dumbledore outranking him only in knowledge. He did not have to shout.

And if he had learned anything from his lover, it was that soft, deadly calm was infinitely worse.

Except, perhaps when you were dealing with an idiot of Fudge proportions.

"Now, Harry, there was every indication that he had been involved in the altercation and though Dumbledore once again interfered in his favor, we were certain that you would agree that the best course of action was to remove him in case of any…detrimental influence you might be feeling. Surely you of all people understand…" In his defense, Fudge might be an idiot, but even an idiot knows to shut up when a wand is pointed at them, particularly when the wand belongs to The-Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort.

"Oh, I understand you just find, _Mr_. Fudge. It appears I have still, despite everything I have seen, clung to some childish naivety. Despite the loss of the Minister position, you're still playing your damn political games and to hell with anyone you might hurt along the way. You know very well that we would have lost the war, we would all be groveling at _Voldemort's_ feet if not for Severus Snape." Ignoring the shiver of pathetic fear, the **very **angry wizard limped closer to the man. "He did nothing but sacrifice nearly everything he had and everything he could be to keep bloody gits like you safe. Did he get even a damn 'thank-you'? No, instead you lauded a _schoolchild_ you forced to be your sacrifice. But," and here the hot tone cooled to the deepest ice, "we are not discussing me. Not today. We are discussing Severus and why you decided it was such a good idea to _ban my __**lover**__ from my side_! What gave you the bloody right to decide that for me? You are no longer Minister and last I checked, you have _no_ power over me."

"_Lover_? Surely, Harry, you can't possibly be seri…"

"Don't." The word sent a chill through the room, enough to bring Kingsley, who had watched the event unfold with great interest closer to Harry's side. The man had every right in the world to say what he was saying; he just didn't want to have to deal with the paperwork if his subordinate ended up killing the bastard. "You have no right to call me Harry. I never gave you permission and you are most certainly not one I would. And you certainly have not an iota of say in who my lover is. It's not your duty, your business, or your problem. You had no legal right to do so, and _we_ will be in contact as to whether we will bring charges. That is something for Severus to decide. For now, get out of my sight."

"Harry, really…" The head of the Aurors stepped in before a curse could fly out of the coiled and rather dangerous man beside him.

"I think you should leave, Fudge. You are extremely unwelcome here. Leave any further…_information_ with Tonks. She'll see he gets it as quickly as it deserves." Dark eyes passed over the fuming impotent man to take in the sheen of sweat and the shakiness of the still seething man. The next second, the leg collapsed, and it was all he could do to keep the young man upright. "Harry, you need to sit down. I think you've had enough excitement for one day." Gently, he helped the man onto the side of the bed. He was unsurprised when fiery green eyes latched onto him.

"How could you let him do that, Kingsley? How could you…"

"I had no say, Harry. I protested, but it was all Albus and I could do to keep them from arresting him. I'm not sure he even noticed, to be frank. He had no time for anything but your safety and health. Albus had to threaten him with Lupin to get him back to Hogwarts. I don't think he realized the real reason behind the threat.

"He should have been here, Kingsley." A world-weary sigh shook the thin body. The man did not know how much more he could handle without his lover, but there was still so much to do and he wanted to keep the man out of the line of fire as much as possible. He also didn't know how to break the news to him.

"Well, at least I don't have to worry about keeping on the politicians' good sides anymore. There's not much they can do to me in retirement. I've got too much clout, too much of the public to back me if they tried anything. Besides, Sirius left me a fortune…I just need to find a hobby."

"I'm sorry to lose you, Potter. You're the best damn Auror I've seen in years. Even better than Mad-Eye, but I wouldn't like to be the one to say that to him. But you need to heal and with…well, you'd have never liked being chained to a desk. You need to heal, Potter. And you won't be able to in the office. Give yourself time, give Severus time, and look after yourself for once. You've done good, kid." The two men shook hands, and the dark man could not help but think of the young boy he seen so many years ago. Sirius would be so proud of the man he had become.

The green eyed male, now left alone, lay back and sighed. He really had not a clue what he was supposed to do next. He frankly couldn't think of much except how much he longed to see the his former professor.

It was during this introspective moment that a familiar owl swooped in and deposited a much longed for and much feared letter. Absentmindedly rubbing the feathered head, hesitant hands broke the seal and unfolded the single piece of parchment.

_The papers say you are awake. I trust you have no additional brain damage so I must conclude that you simply did not wish to inform me. If you have time, at least drop Albus a line when you are released. There are a few here that are concerned for you. If you need someone to listen, you know where I may be found._

_Severus Snape_

If anyone else had wrote it, Harry would have tossed the letter aside, and probably incinerated it. From Severus, however, it was positively gushing, if not outright begging. The young man winced, then straightened his shoulders. Grabbing the one possession he now could not do without, he slowly made his way to the floo. If anyone tried to stop him, well, that was just too bad.

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><p>I <em>never <em>liked Fudge and think he didn't get nearly what he deserved considering that a lot more people suffered and died than should have because of his incompetence. I must admit, that part especially how Harry handles it is my favorite part of this chapter.

Please let me know what you think!


	23. But Now That You're Here

Well, here we are again! Not much to say other than a big thank you to all you wonderful people who reviewed or alerted/favorited.

Here on out, stuff may seem a bit hit or miss. Stuff may be alluded to or glanced over. I'm not writing a day by day journal of the happenings in these two men's lives. I am also stating for the record that there will never be a sex scene in this story. That's not what this is about. (And the fact that I have never and doubt I will ever be able to write one in my life-I would love to see one based on this, so if you wish to write one, just let me know but I can't write it.) This story is about two private men building a life together despite their past, hardships, and the people around them. I kinda figure a shut the door end of scene is rather classy and if any character deserves some privacy, these two do. Some things will be discussed in depth while others that are not entirely relevant will be shown and then quickly set aside. Anyway, hope you all enjoy!

E.

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><p>Chapter 23: But now that you're here, I just feel like I'm constantly dreaming<p>

The next morning, Hogwarts again was all a buzz about Harry Potter. The Ministry had announced late yesterday that their poster child Auror was retiring after many faithful years of service. Rumors flew as to the reasons, but if anyone knew, no one was saying. The professors were not untouched by the gossip. Several had their own opinions as to why The-Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort might leave his prized position. A few caused even the thoroughly dour Potions Master to snort with amusement. Who in their right mind would entrust the Wizarding World into the hands of Potter?

Looking over to Dumbledore, Snape was shocked to see a hint of worry touch the aged face. Even more shocking was when visage changed to one of childlike happiness that the former Death Eater nearly dove for cover. Good things never happened when Albus got _that_ look!

The heavy doors at the far end were suddenly thrown open, stilling every wagging tongue and capturing every eye. A small, lone figure limped slowly towards the head table, hood up and head down in what was clearly exhaustion. For a moment, several of the professors' thoughts flashed back to a night many years ago and the grand entrance made by a Moody imposter. Halfway to the end, the figure paused, clearly drained of nearly all energy. Wearily, the head rose and a shaking hand drew back the dark hood. Dark smudges framed tired green eyes which swept the head table in a moment only to latch onto black eyes what had widened impossibly in shock. A weak version of that familiar cocky smile flickered over the newly lined visage before falling as his left leg shook underneath him.

A black blur flew from the platform, barely arriving in time to catch the younger man as he collapsed under the strain of recent days and barely healed wounds. He could not, however, bring himself to catch what fell with his lover; a cane that his eyes long trained by years of wounds told him would be Harry's constant companion. His arm might be no longer marked, but Lucius had contrived to be remembered despite efforts to the contrary. Another weary smile graced the well loved face; even the ghastly hair seemed to have wilted under the fatigue.

"Sorry I took so long to wake up, Severus. You must have been completely horrible to be around. I'll have to apolo…gize to the professors later. I…Merlin, Sev, I love you." With that, the blasted boy fainted, leaving him with a hall full of wide eyed, eager eared brats, scarcely less eager adults, and a beaming Headmaster. What in Merlin's name had he done to deserve this?

* * *

><p>It was several hours before the man stirred, hours that Snape would swear for the rest of his life that he spent in his lab. He simply would not admit that every moment he had spent next to the resting man, counting each breath and lightly rubbing the mangled leg that would never completely support his love again. No wonder Harry had retired. He knew the brat too well to believe he would be happy stuck at a desk while others went and risked their lives. But the man would never be happy unless he was doing something, primarily anything dangerous or stupid. Harry had never outgrown his love of Quidditch but he would not be up to controlling a broom for any length of time.<p>

Though he would be hard pressed to admit it, Severus was quite worried about his younger lover. The man had never learned anyway to measure his self-worth except by how useful he was to others. This injury (as thankfully his mind had survived the boy's fight with the mark) had the potential to destroy him, though Snape would never completely discount his lover. If anyone could bounce back from something like this, it was Harry. It was just so wrong to ask this man to continually fight his way back from the brink. There was only so much a human being could take.

Movement brought his attention back on the man who was fluttering his vivid green eyes until they opened up onto the world around him. Emerald met obsidian and the two held each other for some quiet moments. Then, unusually, it was Severus who broke the silence.

"Albus has informed me of the complete situation." No need to repeat the particulars of _that_ conversation. Harry was, after all, recovering. "He and Shacklebolt kept me completely in the dark. I…understand the necessity, but I confess I am…uncomfortable with the fact that my past prevented me from holding vigil at your side. I…apologize if this caused you any concerns or…"

"Don't you bloody apologize for those wankers! They sure as hell won't and I am not in any way mad at you, Sev. I gave Fudge a verbal flaying that even you might be proud of and if you want, I will pursue this as far as I have to in order to get some public apology. I think we deserve at least that. I'm only sorry you were not granted even that peace of mind. Now, if you don't mind, I'm still in need of rest and I always rest better in your bed."

"You're already in it."

"But you're not." There was really nothing to say to that.

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><p>It was not until the next day that Harry realized the extent of his actions the previous morning. Severus had of course realized at once what was coming, but if the blasted Ministry had taught him anything with their enforced separation it was that he could never abandon this powerful, yet fragile man that trusted him above all others. Not even in the face of a public relations debacle.<p>

Harry mused that more students must have owls then when he went to school, for he had never seen such of flock of them hovering in the rafters above the Great Hall. It was not until he was seated (next to Albus the old meddler), that he realized what had changed. This was not ordinary, the flock of owls were for him and a few, he noticed worryingly, carried Howlers. Then, he saw little else except a storm of feathers, beaks, talons, and parchment. It took the combined forces of every professor to rescue the hapless man. Several Howlers exploded but Albus wisely cast Silencio on them. The former Auror was particular thankful for his thoughtfulness after reading a couple of the non-magical correspondence. Worried green eyes flew to pale blue.

"Was there anything new in the _Daily Prophet_ about me?" Without a hint of twinkle, the offending paper was handled over and both Harry and Severus grew very grave over the flashing headline.

Potter caught with Death Eater Lover

Ministry forbad contact; Potter 'retires'.

Questions remain over the form of the relationship.

"Damn you, Rita Skeeter! Haven't you done enough, yet?" The paper went flying, smacking against the back wall and bursting into flames. "Damn it." Rage colored words had shrunk to a half-repressed sob.

The next few hours were busy ones for many people both inside and outside of the castle. Dumbledore began contacting people at once, trying to hold back the storm. Minerva rounded up the curious children with the help of many of the staff. Kingsley, back in London joined Dumbledore in the fight, hoping two fronts might ensure their success. Rita Skeeter smirked and simpered in her office in Diagon Alley, sure of herself and her place with the readership of the Wizarding World. Already she was composing a new article, even more delicious then the last. Hermione attempted to keep her husband from storming over to Harry's flat, while nursing her own anger at being kept in the dark of such important matters concerning her best friend. Mrs. Weasley baked until the house was flooded with the smell of cakes, pies, biscuits, and every other possible concoction. The whole time she muttered dire threats towards one former spy.

Severus was unaware of all of this. His entire world rested in his arms as he cradled his emotionally and physically drained husband. Tomorrow would bring enough problems; they would have great need of strength in the coming days if they were to weather this together.

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><p>I have to say, I love this chapter! The way the two characters react to each other, how people react to the news, etc. It's very rare I'm ever completely satisfied with a chapter but this one, this one just might be my favorite!<p>

Please, let me know what you think! It's always great to hear from you.


	24. Cuz Somethings Gotta Go Wrong

MAJOR AN ALERT: Ok, so a big thank you goes to MareG8 for catching a major oops the story's unbetaed form set out in front of you. At the end of the last chapter, Severus thought of Harry as his husband. No, you haven't missed a wedding. This will be explained in the next chapter. Harry has no knowledge of it, so it will not come up in this update. Sorry if this majorly confused everyone. It was supposed to be addressed last chapter...but that part appears to have either vanished or neglected to be written. I apologize for that oversight.

I would like to thank so many people for their wonderful reviews and those that alerted/favorited this story.

Hope you enjoy the chapter!

E.

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><p>Chapter 24: Coz something's gotta go wrong, Coz I'm feelin' way too damn good<p>

Harry woke from fearful dreams by a vigorous pounding on Severus' front door the next morning. Glancing at his weary lover (and how he could sleep through the racket was a complete mystery), he staggered out of the bed and limped slowly into the front room, pausing only long enough to set up a barrier around the bedroom door. If who he thought was at the front door, Harry wanted to handle him before adding the vitriolic addition of Severus into the mix. He really didn't want to have either one arrested for murder.

Throwing opening the door, he was shocked to see not one person but four. Nodding slightly to a sheepish Tonks (was that wool in her hair?), he turned his weary but sure gaze on the other three people that were all glaring daggers at him. Ron, seated in his currently wheeled device, was lowering his still tightly fisted hand. The other was wrapped like a vice around his wife's hand. Hermione was positively shimmering with righteous indignation. And Remus, shaking slightly as he always did now, leaned on his wife's arms, golden eyes gleaming in a worryingly way. The wolf was far too close to the surface for comfort. Self-consciously, his right hand came up and ruffled his extraordinarily messy nest of hair.

"Um, would you like to come in?" He limped back a couple of steps, noticing how every eye was on the cane and how his leg was completely uncooperative. Finally, Remus, nostrils flaring no doubt from Severus' scent, nodded and shakily made his way to the sofa. Ron looked like he might blow a gasket, but Hermione, with long practice got him in quickly and silently, though her eyes clearly showed that this would be put on Harry's tab. He'd better starting paying up with information soon. Sighing, he closed the door. A rather large part of him wanted to keep his back turned to the volatile group but he simply couldn't leave his lover to their tender mercies. Steeling himself, he sighed heavily and began the arduous march to the far side of the room where Severus now sat sneering at the whole lot of them. Tonks leapt up, knocking over an ancient tome from the coffee table, in an obvious bid to give the tired man a seat that was not so difficult to reach. The sofa, however, was clearly enemy territory in this argument, and Harry was not about to give their side any concessions. They may not be pleased with the situation, but they damn well better get used to it. Finally, his limping stride brought him over to Severus' side; sitting down in the chair just vacated by the Potions Master, Harry pulled the nervous (he could tell by the sneer gracing the man's pale lips) man onto the chair arm. The declaration had been made.

The counteroffensive began. "Harry, what the bloody hell is going on here, mate! We find out, _through the Prophet_, that you've been injured and then, _again through the bloody paper_, we find out your banging Snape! What the…"

"First off, you can blame Fudge for the first part. Only Kingsley, Dumbledore, Severus, and a few doctors knew I was a patient there. Apparently, the Ministry wasn't keen to let people know that their _beloved_ Auror is in fact human. And the second…yeah, you can blame that on Fudge too. And Rita Skeeter, the bloody cow! Though I am an ordinary citizen now so they can't fire me if I decide I'm about due some payback."

"Harry!" Hermione had lost none of her know-it-all mindset, age had merely developed it to new and exciting heights. Harry might be over thirty years old, but 'Mione would never believe him to be anything but the stupid kid from their school days. "Surely by now you know better than to think revenge is any kind of answer."

"No. But it would feel bloody great after all the shit she's pulled." He ignored the repeat of the shocked "Harry" and turned to Remus. The golden eyes, which had seen too much in not nearly enough time, looked worryingly on his 'cub'.

"Harry." No outward remonstrations, which made it all the worse. The man sighed and leaned against his lover. A graying eyebrow rose.

"I know, Remus. I didn't want any of you to find out this way. If I'd had my way, you wouldn't have found out about it for a bit."

"This is what worries us, cub."

"Look, you know what happened…the last time. Severus helped me. I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for him. You'd have buried me years ago." Flinches came from everyone in the room, the dark man included. Remus' other eyebrow was now attached to his hairline. "We decided that if this…thing between us had a chance in hell to work, we would not tell anyone. If I'd told any one of you, you'd want to tell the others. They'd want to tell Dumbledore, the Weasleys, and the list goes on. Once that happened, the papers would have gotten wind of it and we've seen what a great track record that has left me! This was about us! Not you all, not for my _adoring public_, not for anyone but Severus and I. These last few years have been the best in my life and I _will not_ have you denigrate it-definitely not to my lover's face! Kingsley, who at least had reasons for questioning my timing if not my choices, congratulated the two of us. He realized that one, he had no say and two, that Severus could be nothing but good for me."

Here Ron spoke up, predictably. Good old Ron, neither paralyzing injury nor years of maturity could possibly change his mind about something like this. "But Harry, it's Snape!" The man in question felt the struggle of the man beside him as he tried with all his might not to do the most natural thing, snark.

"But Ron, he's a hero of the Final Battle. But Ron, he was our faithful spy, despite…" here Severus' gaze turned to the younger man beside him. Harry had turned as pale as a ghost. The hand resting on top of the cane began to shake and the emerald gaze glazed over as the boy looked to something none of the others could see. Neither of them had been able to yet discuss all that had taken place in Lucius' den. Harry was evidently not healing completely well if this reaction was anything to go by. The black eyes flickered to the two men and two women avidly watching the man's private moment. Severus was just about to escort the young man out, family and friends be damned, when green eyes snapped back to the current. "Sorry…sorry. While I'm mostly healed, I guess it was a bit optimistic to hope I was a hundred percent just yet." Here the young man's gaze latched on to the worried brown of his best friend. Softly, he completed his list. "But Ron, he is the man that has saved my life more times than I care to count and the one man who loves me for me, not who the world sees me as. Remus, you are my family. Ron and Hermione, you are my best friends and my family. You have stood by me through everything both good and the very worst of the worst. I know you think you are doing what is best for me. But you don't know what Severus has done for me. When I woke up in that hospital bed, I made a decision."

Severus felt his hand taken up by a less callused hand, one not stained by potions ingredients but sharing the staining of men's blood. "I am no longer an Auror. I am a man who has faced his own death more than most and has finally decided what I want. I want Severus in my life. Not as a secret. Not as someone to skulk about with and fear what others will say. Hermione," the tone became plaintive as if the school boy for a moment had entered the room, "he makes my heart sing."

The bushy-haired woman looked stricken for a moment, than her face cleared. Meeting the calm gaze of The-Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort, she nodded.

There was one on his side.

* * *

><p>Well, hope that has cleared up any questions of how Harry's friends and family feel about what's been going on. They will be touched on at least once more, but they have more or less had their scene.<p>

Please let me know what you think! It's always lovely to hear from you all and at least one of you kept me from making a huge mistake. I do wish to apologize for the roughness of this story. I haven't been able to get ahold of the person who agreed to beta this and I figured you all would rather read a rough copy than no copy at all. Future stories I post should be betaed.


	25. EverytimeFind My Heart Face Down

Ok, here's the deal. Right after I posted the last chapter...I accidentally murdered my computer. My poor hard working laptop became an ex-computer after an unfortunate experience with a glass of water. I have been assured that all my information from it can be extracted...but that might be a bit. Not too soon I hope but not tomorrow. This also left both me and my husband with no computer other than a tablet...and I and I can't type on a tablet. Sorry. Can't do. So until three days ago, I was virtually computerless. Not fun. Now, I have a computer...but this is the last chapter I uploaded to the document manager before the tragic demise. Thankfully, it's on the long side. I hope this will do until the last three or four chapters are rescued. Shouldn't be too long as I'm pushing hard for it. Again, I apologize for the long wait before and my inability to end this quickly. I hope this news doesn't take away from this chapter and I hope to gift you all with the rest of it soon.

Thanks again to all of you wonderful people who commented, alerted, favorited, etc.

Think hopeful thoughts!

E.

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><p>Chapter 25: And it's like, every time I turn around, I fall in love and find my heart face down<p>

It was a month since that damned article in the _Prophet_ and life for the two of them had settled down into a comfortable chaos. After Miss Grang…Mrs. Weasley had decided to exercise her not inconsiderable intelligence, the others' opinions were a foregone conclusion. The Werewolf would deny his honorary godson nothing, not if it made him happy. As for the stubborn and unbending Mr. Weasley, Severus would not be surprised if he had been treated to a severe lecture from his know-it-all wife before he came a week later begging both his friend's and former Potions Master's pardon.

With Dumbledore's aid, the two of them had set up a press conference and had told the world of their relationship. Even now, the maelstrom of outrage had not yet been extinguished but his lover had given not an inch. Fudge had received even more egg on his face and Rita Skeeter was finally dealing with something that had been long in coming, a libel suit. It had not been all fun and games, however. Severus had very nearly come to harm at the end of Mrs. Weasley's wand. The entire clan had descended upon them, including the girl who had chewed up Harry all those years ago. If Harry had not stepped in front of him, the Potions Master would even now be in the hospital wing. He had, however, smoothed some ruffled feathers after putting the girl in her place when she attempted to undo much of the boy's careful healing. A day later, he had received a rather tasty baked good delivered by a distinctly pathetic owl. He hoped the aged bird would soon be retired after his frightful collapse into Severus' breakfast.

Physically, Harry was the best he could hope to be ever again. It pained the Master every time he saw his lover limp around the castle. He had meticulously gone over the medical files and was forced to concede there was nothing else that could be done. At only slightly over thirty, the man would never be able to walk completely right again and would never be able to control a broom again on his own. Already the two of them had taken several short trips with Severus in control of the dangerous vehicle, and each had been bitter-sweet at best.

Mentally, Harry still worried his lover considerably. There had yet to be a night of unbroken rest since the former Auror had arrived at the castle. Nightmares dogged the man through the night and haunted his eyes during the day. Several times, Severus had been forced to hold the man down as he attempted to claw the skin of his left arm. Twice, Harry's magic had nearly decimated the bedroom as he fought Lucius in his dreams. The professor was beginning to truly loath his former friend; even dead the bastard destroyed all around him.

Perhaps if the man had something to occupy his mind with, he could begin to heal. Even at the best of times, Potter with too much time on his hands to think was a dangerous situation. Brooding, Severus counted them fortunate that he hadn't brought the castle down around their heads. He had attempted several times to capture the boy's interest with one thing or another, but every attempt had simply blown up in his face. Harry was singularly uninterested in anything at this time, except perhaps Severus himself.

The two of them were getting on about how one would expect when two men like themselves were sharing space for any length of time. Spectacular blowups were interspersed with the times the formidable man had come to long for. Quiet interludes where no one else mattered and they were able to quietly read or talk about inconsequentials and simply revel in each other's company. Surprisingly enough, living together was not turning out to be as ghastly as the lonely man had assumed. Both of the men had been far too long on their own and both knew they needed to give the other space at times. While the fights were still quite something to behold (Dumbledore had been privy to one of the more interesting ones, being forced to duck when a curse went astray), what was truly surprising was how few of them there were. Both of the men were supremely stubborn, but they both had seemed to just…slot into each other's lives. It was…fulfilling in a way Severus had never suspected.

While he had yet to tell Harry, in his innermost thoughts, he had begun to call him so much more. While it had never been spoken out loud, and it had not been finalized, Severus Snape needed no paper or magistrate to confer upon him the responsibilities he already felt for the young man. To the Potions Master, the young man who shared his rooms, his bed, and his heart was his husband though no paper yet made it official. He was bound in all ways that mattered to him.

The students were perhaps the worst part of the situation, but then they always had been. Now the gossipy mongrels were whispering their asinine rumors and suppositions and none of them were paying attention to anything except the bloody Man-Who-Defeated-Voldemort. He had been forced to give entire classes detention and his 'old git of a Dungeon's Master' façade had come back with vengeance. It had not been a wholly horrific experience as it had brought the only smile on Harry's face in many days. That was the only reason the class had not been forced to pickle fish eggs _and _frog tongues. They had been able to choose which they might work on; Severus thought he had perhaps been too lenient on them, but the memory of the smile kept his sterner discipline in check.

Nothing, however, could prepare him for the events two nights afterwards. In hindsight, he should have suspected something. The young man had been in a particularly dour mood, unable to even appear at supper that evening. So it should not have been the surprise it was when Severus was woken in the early hours of the morning to Harry writhing worryingly about on the bed as if in the grip of the Cruciatius. Immediately, the older man grasped the flaying shoulders, his legs trapping one strong and one barely moving limb. Words, pouring forth too quickly for comprehension, filled the night with pleadings, moans, and cries with all the broken hopelessness of one that expects no reprieve.

In his most soothing voice, Severus tried desperately to call his lover back from Morpheus' grasp that had come to no longer mean rest but only torture to the young man. As ever, his voice could not reach Harry, and so he did the only thing he could, protect his younger lover from hurting himself as he fought his demons once again.

Finally, it was over. Harry came awake with a shudder and a sob. Feeling absolutely helpless (a situation he was unfamiliar with and exceedingly displeased over), all Severus could do was hold the weeping man. Potion stained hands slid through sweat-soaked messy hair, trying to bring some comfort to his lover. Finally the tears ended, as they always do, and Harry found himself sitting in the warm embrace of his lover. The older man had all but wrapped himself around the small figure, arms locked tight around the younger man as he held him, back tightly against his chest. His powerful legs hemmed Harry in, as if to further protect him from everything the world always gave to him. The former Auror allowed himself to let go, and relaxed completely into the warmth and safety of his lover's arms.

"I'm sorry, Severus. This is not what you signed up for." A snort came from behind his head.

"Brat, this is exactly what I signed up for. Can you possibly imagine that either of us can escape from nightmares after everything we have experienced? This is merely your turn, love. I am sure our roles will be reversed soon enough. Besides, can you really believe that I have not suffered from memories of our time in Berlin too? I did everything possible while you were in the hospital to insure I did not sleep. Whenever I closed my eyes, all I saw was your face, pale as death, stained near black with blood. I was unsure if you would wake, if you could even awaken. My mind, however, would not allow me to merely agonize over consciousness; no, it had far better ways to taunt me. For what I fretted over, above all others, was how damaged the dark mark had left you." Feeling his lover tense and all but shake in his arms, Severus quickly explained his concerns. "It had nothing to do with the concerns you voiced to me at the hotel. What I said to you was and is the truth, Harry. No, what I feared was mental damage, caused by the obvious mental strain your struggles were causing you. Your substantial nosebleed attested to that. You fought and failed to carry out a direct order from your mark's holder. That…it should have been impossible. I better than any still alive can confirm that fact. It does not take a mind on par with the Headmaster's to add this latest mental strain with all you suffered at the hand of the Dark…Voldemort and gain an equation that is frightening in the extreme. I don't care how powerful you are, no one comes out of such struggles without damage."

"No." Agreement breathed out barely above a whisper came from the huddled, shivering figure held together by the strong arms of his lover. "I've been having headaches."

"I know."

"I had them occasionally as an Auror. Not often, and not enough to really worry about. But now…"

"They've been occurring at least once a day. I wondered when you might think it appropriate to mention your affliction, how long you intended to suffer in silence."

"Because I'm such a bloody martyr?" Pain flashed through the dark eyes for a moment, before pale skin quickly hid them from view. He knew why Harry threw his own hate-filled words at him, but it still hurt to remember that time in his life and what his hate, jealousy, and ill choices had done to this fragile young man.

"No." The horse whisper could not hide the pain; Harry flinched slightly in his arms. "Because I know you, Harry Potter; I know how you think, how you react to situations like this, and why you won't come to me. And so, I wait. I wait for you to wrestle with what has happened to you. I wait for you to fight past your fears of what you might become or what you might have done. I wait for you to remember that I am here for you always and that I love you, Harry Potter: the son of my best friend and my schoolboy adversary. A man, who saved me from my foolish choices, trusted me when few others did. A man who loves me despite what his family thinks and who fights for what is right no matter the cost or what others say. I am so very proud of you; I know what it is like to no longer be in control of yourself, to give it blithely away with no understanding of the consequences, and I could never, ever have done what you did. It took me years to even be able to consider going to Albus, and only fear for your mother gave me the strength to fight. If you ever tell him I said this, I will string you up by your entrails, but Albus was right when he said your greatest strength was love. I wish it had not taken me so long to learn that lesson." Arms came up as the smaller man turned in his lover's embrace and returned it. Both men had suffered for too long from a deficit of love in their lives and they had quickly discovered they both craved the other's touch. While strictly kept away from public eyes, they were remarkably demonstrative.

"Thank you, Severus. I'm so sorry! I know I've been worrying you. I was so scared; Lucius was in my head and the…oh, it was so horrible! Like oily, icy chains were wrapped all around me! It was worse than Voldemort, at least I had some control of my body if not my mind. But in Berlin, there was nothing but the mark, no thought, no movement that was not _his_! I don't know how you stayed sane after all that time! I didn't keep my sanity for three minutes!"

"Do you really believe I spent my youth much less your school years sane? No, Harry, there were many years I was not in my right mind. It was not until after you defeated him that I could begin to heal. It took time. It will take time for you as well."

"You'll be there?" So hesitant, childlike but with a lifetime of pain and loss behind the question. Warm lips brushed the sweaty forehead, while the older man gently tucked the man in beside him. The boy soon fell to sleep wrapped securely in the Potions Master's arms.

It was many hours before the man would follow his lover's example.


End file.
